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[Music]

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thank you

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foreign

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[Music]

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thank you

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[Music]

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foreign

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[Music]

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s and salutations friends and welcome

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back uh so tonight we're going to take a

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little bit of a detour from our usual

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coverage of the conspiracy land crazy

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and in all honesty this is something

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that I wanted to do not this past

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Saturday but the Saturday before that

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because that would have been my 90-day

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anniversary of abstaining from alcohol

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so right now uh by my calendar I am now

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I have not had an alcoholic beverage or

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any alcohol

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or anything

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for 99 days and uh quite honestly if you

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would have told me 99 days ago that this

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was or maybe a little more than 99 days

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ago

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me I would have thought no that would be

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impossible I can't stop drinking for 199

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or 100 days or 90 days or even seven

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days

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like many

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I

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um my alcohol use increased dramatically

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over the pandemic

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and um

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but I can't totally blame the lockdowns

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and the pandemic certainly that was the

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contributing factor after all

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my business was completely and totally

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destroyed I had nothing to do

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and I was feeling very sorry for myself

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that may be a contributing factor uh so

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tonight I'm gonna talk uh in general

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terms about uh what happens to you and

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and what it's like to go

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99 days without drinking and I want to

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be very clear here this is my disclaimer

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this is how I did it this is not a

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health too

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and if you yourself uh anyone within the

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sound of my voice are struggling with

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alcohol-related issues or any addiction

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related issues please do seek out a

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qualified medical doctor or addiction

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specialist a psychiatrist because I am

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none of those things and I'm not

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offering any health advice tonight I am

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simply talking about and relaying my

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experience with quitting alcohol for 90

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days and I'm doing this uh you know this

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is kind of personal but I decided to do

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this because it is my hope that by

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talking about this that I may help some

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others that are struggling uh Others May

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find this talk helpful

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so if you do feel like you have a

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problem please don't listen to me but

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seek out qualified help from a doctor or

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psychiatrist an addiction specialist or

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some other medical health professional

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those are the proper people to go to uh

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especially if you're considering

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starting this because there are serious

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health risks depending on

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many factors with abstain abstaining

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from alcohol

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so my advice my first advice is to seek

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out Medical

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the professional medical help

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so I can begin with telling you a little

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bit about my history with alcohol I

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think that I started drinking around uh

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I mean not regularly but my first

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experience with alcohol is probably 12

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or 13 years old my parents had a liquor

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cabinet

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you know probably pretty typical but I

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didn't drink every day or anything like

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that maybe as I got into my teen years

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into my early 20s later teen years early

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20s I would drink on the weekend with

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friends and this is of course very

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common maybe

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you've had a similar experience but

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growing up my drug of choice was never

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alcohol it was always cannabis I was a

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musician and an artist so cannabis for

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me was something that I did

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um and some may call it a creative

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crutch I'll freely admit that uh writing

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songs doing some artistic project I

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loved cannabis it felt like it helped

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that process uh ask any songwriter or

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writer or you know many people use

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cannabis for these purposes especially

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artistic people

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that was always my sort of go-to or or

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preferred you know if I was going to do

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something it would be cannabis not

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alcohol

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but I suppose that that changed at some

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point and I began consuming more alcohol

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into my later 20s

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it's also important to realize that I

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grew up uh in a family with my mother

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being an extreme alcoholic some would

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say falling down drunk

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my mother was severely alcoholic for

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most of my

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on and off for my childhood and then

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completely on uh for most of my adult

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life after my father died I had to take

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care of her and my wife and I had her

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live with us for 20 plus years and that

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was uh

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probably an experience that I wouldn't

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wish on my worst enemy to watch someone

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slowly deteriorate like that and you

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would think that watching that would be

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enough to make me say I I would I don't

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want to do any alcohol but again I think

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that

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probably contributed to my use of

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alcohol as well

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um so

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history wise my mother died of

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alcohol-related illness she died of

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sclerosis of the liver and liver failure

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total liver failure

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and it's not just my mother on my

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mother's side my grandmother and I think

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my grandfather several of my uncles all

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died from alcohol-related illnesses now

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whether it's a stereotype or not that's

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the Irish side of my family and again

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you would think having seen so many

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people that were close to me growing up

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so many close relatives die of

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alcohol-related illnesses would be

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enough

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you would think that you would think

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that watching all of these people die

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from consuming this

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substance would be enough to make you

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say

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uh that's bad news I'm going to avoid it

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totally but it wasn't

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um you know I spent a long time in in

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the music business and later the magic

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business where alcohol is everywhere

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uh I also ran a nightclub for some time

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in Philadelphia where alcohol was

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everywhere and to me being a manager of

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a nightclub alcohol was free never had

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to pay for it

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a lot of times as a performer alcohol is

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just provided it's just free they just

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give it to you they often will ask you

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what you want you can get a bottle you

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can get

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cases of beer whatever it is you want as

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a performer especially if you're doing

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well for the venue putting asses in

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seats as I used to call it or you know

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they will uh provide you with whatever

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party favors you like alcohol being the

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least of them

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uh so

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my alcohol use increased because it was

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everywhere and I'm not blaming anybody

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that may have provided me with alcohol

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I'd be too long a list to even think

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about

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it's just the way things are in the

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entertainment industry you keep the

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performers happy if they want alcohol

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you give them alcohol if they want

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cannabis you find them cannabis if they

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want

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anything else I have seen people in the

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entertainment industry giving people

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everything from cocaine to

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methamphetamines to heroin uh and and

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been handed some of that myself uh I was

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never really big on in fact I was lucky

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that I avoided most hard drugs but isn't

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it funny that alcohol is everywhere and

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it is perhaps I'm coming to understand

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one of the most dangerous drugs because

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it is everywhere and more socially

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acceptable to you know uh drink half a

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case of beer than it is to shoot up

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heroin in front of people it's that most

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social Gatherings celebrations

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it's literally everywhere and more so

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when I lived in the city I grew up in a

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neighborhood where there's a bar on

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every single City Block on every corner

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there's a bar

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the corner properties

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are always bars

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um and so literally it's it was

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everywhere

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and of course uh you it becomes part of

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your social life you go out with friends

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and drink

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um and and that's something that I did

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quite a lot of after my children I kind

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of uh

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pulled back on doing that and started

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drinking at home which is probably worse

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because you're by yourself drinking

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alone uh is probably never good but

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that's what I did I would drink alone

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um

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so I don't know how I got to the point

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where it became such a huge problem but

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I'm trying to explain some of the

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background and then we get to fast

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forward uh and and still I think before

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the pandemic

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you know I drank too much on the

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weekends while I held the real regular

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corporate job I drank too much on the

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weekends but you know you would think

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well I have you know four or five days

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during the week to recover from all of

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that so I'm not that bad right this is

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not that huge a problem I just get a

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little too lit on the weekends uh but

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when the pandemic came and all the

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lockdowns and having nothing to do

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feeling like a lot of people I suppose a

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little depressed a little scared about

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the future my uh my alcohol use

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increased dramatically and I went from a

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weekend Drinker to an everyday Drinker

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and before I knew what I was up to I

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don't know a 12 pack a day almost every

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day now some days I would do a lot more

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than that maybe throw some shots in

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there some Fireball or something else to

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go with it right not good

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and uh the

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the

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long-term and short-term health effects

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were pretty dramatic I put on a huge

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amount of weight and ask anybody that

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knows well huge for me probably uh I

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don't know 20 or 25 pounds and ask

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anybody who who's known me for a long

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time everybody's always thought of me as

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Super stick thin so me as a fat guy is

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was weird for me like this was and and

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this led to self-esteem issues then I

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started going oh well I'll just uh not

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eat on the days I drink and that should

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you know stop me from gaining more

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weight but that doesn't work because if

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you're drinking 15 beers a day you are

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uh taking in huge amount of calories and

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huge amount of carbohydrates and also

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alcohol is difficult for the body to

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process causes weight gain uh there's a

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whole lot of stuff that goes with that

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so I uh finally resolved after the

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pandemic started being over that I got

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to do something about this but I didn't

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I avoided the problem and I kept on

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kicking the can down the road you know

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what I mean like saying I'll uh I'll

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drink for another couple of weeks and

282
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:10,980
then I'll I'll quit for a while or I'll

283
00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:13,740
only drink on weekends try some of that

284
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:15,839
control drinking I'll take a few days

285
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:19,139
off between drunkenness you know and

286
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:21,360
none of that seemed to work for me I

287
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:23,160
would always go back to

288
00:14:29,449 --> 00:14:26,420
daily drinking so

289
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:29,459
finally uh reached out to a few friends

290
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:32,700
that I knew were in recovery and

291
00:14:37,069 --> 00:14:35,040
I should say that those few people know

292
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:37,079
who they are I'm not going to name them

293
00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:40,019
but I want to thank them because they

294
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:42,360
all gave me some excellent advice on

295
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:45,240
what to do about this problem that I had

296
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:48,180
so really it's a multitude of problems

297
00:14:52,490 --> 00:14:51,720
it's a it's a mental health problem it's

298
00:15:23,090 --> 00:14:52,500
a

299
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:23,100
before's drinking right

300
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:25,500
and even with putting on that all that

301
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:27,240
weight you would think I would suddenly

302
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:30,180
wake up and go this is not good for me I

303
00:15:34,189 --> 00:15:31,740
have to do something about this but

304
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:34,199
again I made excuses and I you know

305
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:36,779
tried stupid things like well I'll go on

306
00:15:41,449 --> 00:15:38,699
a low carb diet

307
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:41,459
except for the alcohol you know I'll

308
00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:44,040
just drink all my carbs but I'll cut out

309
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:46,680
french fries and pizza and pasta and

310
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:49,500
rice and somehow that'll stop me no I

311
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:52,440
still kept putting on weight and it got

312
00:15:59,030 --> 00:15:54,600
to the point where I caught a glimpse of

313
00:16:01,189 --> 00:15:59,040
myself in a mirror and I went who the

314
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:01,199
hell is this this is not me you know

315
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:02,699
I've always been kind of

316
00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:06,660
some would say uh too thin you know and

317
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:08,339
certainly uh

318
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:11,040
over the years I put on a few pounds I

319
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:12,899
guess since being married my wife's an

320
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:15,240
excellent cook and I'm not living by

321
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:17,279
myself that Bachelor maybe I'll just

322
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:20,940
skip eating today lifestyle you know but

323
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:23,160
I put on a lot of weight over that

324
00:16:29,329 --> 00:16:27,480
pandemic uh 20 to 25 pounds and uh that

325
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:29,339
of course comes with its own set of

326
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:32,040
health issues I became completely less

327
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:35,279
active you know I used to go hiking or I

328
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:38,040
used to take walks ride bikes do some

329
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:39,060
kind of physical

330
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:43,079
activity or go to gyms stop doing all of

331
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:46,100
that during the pandemic so

332
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:48,360
sitting in front of a computer who who

333
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:50,100
would have guessed but sitting in front

334
00:16:58,069 --> 00:16:54,360
of a computer for uh 16 hours a day

335
00:17:01,569 --> 00:16:58,079
sometimes more and drinking 15 or more

336
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:01,579
beers a day would have severe

337
00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:05,160
consequences for both your mental health

338
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:07,199
and your physical health

339
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:09,660
but finally I said I'm going to do

340
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:12,959
something about this so you know having

341
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:15,360
tried the controlled drinking things or

342
00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:17,579
cutting back that never really worked I

343
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:18,959
decided I was just going to completely

344
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:21,780
abstain from alcohol now here's where

345
00:17:26,569 --> 00:17:24,660
again I would advise you if if you're in

346
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:26,579
a situation similar to what I'm

347
00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:28,740
describing go to a medical professional

348
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:32,460
I was very lucky in that I found a uh a

349
00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:36,600
medical doctor right near my home who is

350
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:38,520
a regular medical doctor general

351
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:40,980
practitioner but also specialized in

352
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:43,559
addiction medicine so I knew that he

353
00:17:46,909 --> 00:17:45,120
would had a short conversation with him

354
00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:46,919
he understood exactly what I was going

355
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:49,980
to attempt and and you know the support

356
00:17:54,789 --> 00:17:52,380
that I would need so

357
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:54,799
that was very good I got support

358
00:17:59,690 --> 00:17:57,419
immediately from a qualified medical

359
00:18:01,430 --> 00:17:59,700
professional who was experienced in

360
00:18:04,190 --> 00:18:01,440
these things

361
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:04,200
and again uh

362
00:18:13,789 --> 00:18:09,299
he uh helped me to do everything safely

363
00:18:16,789 --> 00:18:13,799
and uh and for that I'm thankful I would

364
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:16,799
highly recommend him to those in my area

365
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:18,140
so

366
00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:21,179
uh having been through that and by the

367
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:24,299
way I got some medical support for other

368
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:27,960
issues like my insomnia and I knew that

369
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:30,980
my insomnia would ramp up dramatically

370
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:33,480
there's a Rodney Dangerfield movie where

371
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:35,460
he says I don't know how to sleep you

372
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:36,660
know somebody tells me he should get

373
00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:38,160
more sleep he's asleep I don't know how

374
00:18:42,890 --> 00:18:40,200
to sleep Wow all I know is how to pass

375
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:42,900
out that's kind of how I was I didn't

376
00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:45,600
sleep I I would drink until I fell over

377
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:48,660
and uh wake up the next day with that

378
00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:52,500
hangover so I got some medical support

379
00:18:58,549 --> 00:18:55,799
he also uh suggested psychological

380
00:19:01,010 --> 00:18:58,559
support which I didn't do yet but I'm

381
00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:01,020
still considering uh but he did give me

382
00:19:06,650 --> 00:19:03,480
some medical support including you know

383
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:06,660
uh prescription for a sleep aid and a

384
00:19:12,529 --> 00:19:09,179
few other things we got blood tests and

385
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:12,539
blood work that found uh you know yeah I

386
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:15,539
was physically a mess and I also found

387
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:17,000
some weird

388
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:20,400
deficiencies vitamin D deficiency which

389
00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:22,080
is probably because I sat in my house

390
00:19:26,590 --> 00:19:24,660
for a year and didn't go anywhere or

391
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:26,600
barely went anywhere

392
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:29,160
not getting that sunshine or doing

393
00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:31,919
outdoor activities your vitamin D level

394
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:33,960
will likely drop so I got a prescription

395
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:36,900
for that overall after this 90 days I'm

396
00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:39,480
feeling much much better so I have some

397
00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:40,860
notes here and I thought I would talk

398
00:19:46,190 --> 00:19:43,320
about the positives of quitting alcohol

399
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:46,200
for 90 days which far outweigh the

400
00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:50,940
negatives uh by far far the first thing

401
00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:53,640
I would say is better family life

402
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:55,440
you know uh when you're in that

403
00:19:58,789 --> 00:19:56,940
situation you feel like you're sort of

404
00:20:01,370 --> 00:19:58,799
letting everybody down because you are

405
00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:01,380
you're checking out of life like let my

406
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:03,600
wife handle way too many things on her

407
00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:07,200
own and I would go get drunk not a good

408
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:09,539
thing uh and it's not good for a

409
00:20:14,270 --> 00:20:11,179
marriage it's not good for your children

410
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:14,280
you know and uh

411
00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:18,600
so overall since this change I'm

412
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:21,960
experiencing a much better family life

413
00:20:26,570 --> 00:20:24,480
and that has manifested itself in

414
00:20:30,669 --> 00:20:26,580
different ways and I'll talk more about

415
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:30,679
those uh also I have much more energy

416
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:34,200
having uh 15 beers a night will give you

417
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:37,200
a hell or more and maybe some shots too

418
00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:39,960
or whatever else we'll give you a

419
00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:41,640
massive hangover the next day and those

420
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:45,360
hangovers tickets toll so overall since

421
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:47,820
quitting alcohol it took a while I

422
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:50,360
didn't have the energy level I have now

423
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:53,100
probably the first month it took about a

424
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:55,380
month to sort of adjust but once my body

425
00:20:59,990 --> 00:20:57,120
adjusted suddenly

426
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:00,000
you know uh I had an incredible amount

427
00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:02,760
more energy no more

428
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:05,280
four or five hours in the morning to

429
00:21:08,990 --> 00:21:07,260
recover from The Hangover drinking

430
00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:09,000
Gatorade and trying to get something

431
00:21:15,830 --> 00:21:12,600
food in me to pull out whatever alcohol

432
00:21:18,529 --> 00:21:15,840
is still in my blood you know

433
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:18,539
um overall I have more energy I feel

434
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:21,360
more energetic and I'm more willing to

435
00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:23,880
like let's go do some things right when

436
00:21:30,049 --> 00:21:27,660
I wake up in the morning get things done

437
00:21:33,049 --> 00:21:30,059
I feel like this change has made me a

438
00:21:35,149 --> 00:21:33,059
better more patient father if you're

439
00:21:37,070 --> 00:21:35,159
hungover all the time you're gonna have

440
00:21:40,789 --> 00:21:37,080
a hell of a lot less patience with your

441
00:21:43,549 --> 00:21:40,799
children you know I would uh

442
00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:43,559
have a tremendous amount less patience

443
00:21:48,190 --> 00:21:46,260
with them before especially on those

444
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:48,200
days that had a pretty bad hangover

445
00:21:53,090 --> 00:21:50,760
that's gone and I feel like this has

446
00:21:55,549 --> 00:21:53,100
made me a better more patient father

447
00:21:57,590 --> 00:21:55,559
I'm talking to my children more I'm

448
00:22:00,110 --> 00:21:57,600
spending more time with them

449
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:00,120
just overall I've I've become a better

450
00:22:04,730 --> 00:22:02,820
father through this change

451
00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:04,740
um if this has also made me a better

452
00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:07,580
more helpful husband now

453
00:22:13,490 --> 00:22:10,980
because my wife may watch this I have to

454
00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:13,500
say that this is an evolution not not a

455
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:18,059
instant change so you know as I progress

456
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:21,780
here in the land of sober I'm making

457
00:22:27,590 --> 00:22:24,720
changes I'm trying to be a better more

458
00:22:30,710 --> 00:22:27,600
helpful husband instead of uh checking

459
00:22:32,330 --> 00:22:30,720
out when my wife gets home and like all

460
00:22:36,169 --> 00:22:32,340
these kids everything's your problem

461
00:22:39,350 --> 00:22:36,179
until tomorrow you know I am trying to

462
00:22:42,049 --> 00:22:39,360
pitch in more and help her more

463
00:22:43,990 --> 00:22:42,059
um I'm sure that our communication has

464
00:22:47,930 --> 00:22:44,000
um improved as well

465
00:22:50,990 --> 00:22:47,940
you know this is uh one of those things

466
00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:51,000
I also feel like uh our relationship and

467
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:53,460
in general has improved you know I

468
00:22:56,810 --> 00:22:54,900
didn't really talk to her as much before

469
00:22:58,430 --> 00:22:56,820
because I felt ashamed of myself like

470
00:23:02,930 --> 00:22:58,440
I'm just gonna go check out and drink

471
00:23:05,149 --> 00:23:02,940
for 10 hours see you tomorrow uh now

472
00:23:07,850 --> 00:23:05,159
we're communicating a little bit better

473
00:23:10,370 --> 00:23:07,860
and by the way that's another thing you

474
00:23:14,570 --> 00:23:10,380
know uh this

475
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:14,580
use of alcohol too much is has

476
00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:16,980
endangered my marriage my marriage could

477
00:23:23,270 --> 00:23:20,280
have ended because at some point people

478
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:23,280
get tired of it and they will check out

479
00:23:28,130 --> 00:23:25,980
of of a relationship with you

480
00:23:30,770 --> 00:23:28,140
and I'm just glad that I woke up and

481
00:23:32,690 --> 00:23:30,780
made a positive change before anything

482
00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:32,700
drastic happened

483
00:23:37,010 --> 00:23:35,100
another positive change is no more drunk

484
00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:37,020
eating

485
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:39,900
um maybe if you've drink if you've drank

486
00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:43,260
a lot you will understand that okay uh

487
00:23:50,330 --> 00:23:45,960
we're eight or nine beers in now let's

488
00:23:53,149 --> 00:23:50,340
eat a pizza before we uh go to bed uh or

489
00:23:57,529 --> 00:23:53,159
whatever garbage food processed food

490
00:23:59,930 --> 00:23:57,539
fast food I drunk ate a lot a lot in

491
00:24:03,049 --> 00:23:59,940
fact it used to be uh sort of a thing

492
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:03,059
you know when I was done drinking right

493
00:24:07,130 --> 00:24:05,580
before I would uh drink to the point of

494
00:24:09,710 --> 00:24:07,140
passing out I would leave just enough

495
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:09,720
Consciousness to go and heat up a frozen

496
00:24:15,350 --> 00:24:13,020
pizza once actually I've left the pizza

497
00:24:19,669 --> 00:24:15,360
in and the smoke detectors went off

498
00:24:21,770 --> 00:24:19,679
because I passed out drunk anyway

499
00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:21,780
I'm not drunk eating drunk eating is

500
00:24:26,990 --> 00:24:24,900
nobody drunk goes let's eat a salad or

501
00:24:30,409 --> 00:24:27,000
something healthy if you're drunk you're

502
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:30,419
eating garbage and I did plenty of that

503
00:24:37,070 --> 00:24:32,940
which I'm sure contributed to my weight

504
00:24:40,310 --> 00:24:37,080
gain so no more drunk eating and after I

505
00:24:43,610 --> 00:24:40,320
gave myself two weeks of just quitting

506
00:24:47,029 --> 00:24:43,620
drinking before I changed my diet but

507
00:24:49,130 --> 00:24:47,039
after two weeks of alcohol abstinence

508
00:24:51,169 --> 00:24:49,140
after the first two weeks you know I

509
00:24:52,730 --> 00:24:51,179
gave myself that I just said I'm gonna

510
00:24:54,590 --> 00:24:52,740
eat whatever for the first two weeks

511
00:24:56,210 --> 00:24:54,600
it's hard enough to just not drink you

512
00:24:59,270 --> 00:24:56,220
know I'm not gonna make these major

513
00:25:02,990 --> 00:24:59,280
changes but two weeks in

514
00:25:07,010 --> 00:25:03,000
I started eating healthier and uh went

515
00:25:09,950 --> 00:25:07,020
to uh a diet and a strict diet and we'll

516
00:25:11,930 --> 00:25:09,960
talk more about that the other advantage

517
00:25:15,409 --> 00:25:11,940
that I've noticed of course is weight

518
00:25:19,330 --> 00:25:15,419
loss uh now we had kind of a wonky scale

519
00:25:22,130 --> 00:25:19,340
here which was just replaced but uh

520
00:25:24,710 --> 00:25:22,140
conservative estimate would be that I

521
00:25:29,269 --> 00:25:24,720
lost 10 pounds might be as much as 15

522
00:25:31,909 --> 00:25:29,279
pounds already in 90 days and again it's

523
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:31,919
important to realize that I didn't start

524
00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:34,919
eating healthy until two weeks in so

525
00:25:38,990 --> 00:25:36,960
that's a pretty dramatic weight loss

526
00:25:41,090 --> 00:25:39,000
even if we go on the low end and say I

527
00:25:43,669 --> 00:25:41,100
lost 10 pounds that's pretty dramatic

528
00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:43,679
weight loss and I can tell it's all from

529
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:46,260
the spare tire so it's all fat loss

530
00:25:49,909 --> 00:25:48,360
haven't lost muscle mass or anything

531
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:49,919
like that

532
00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:52,980
10 or more pounds of weight loss by

533
00:25:58,310 --> 00:25:56,220
doing nothing but stopping alcohol and

534
00:25:59,450 --> 00:25:58,320
eating healthier

535
00:26:01,970 --> 00:25:59,460
um

536
00:26:04,970 --> 00:26:01,980
another positive change is that I am

537
00:26:07,909 --> 00:26:04,980
exercising more not as much still not

538
00:26:09,710 --> 00:26:07,919
exercising as much as I should but I

539
00:26:11,390 --> 00:26:09,720
have sort of hit a plateau the scale

540
00:26:13,510 --> 00:26:11,400
doesn't seem to be moving so I'm

541
00:26:16,310 --> 00:26:13,520
increasing that

542
00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:16,320
also I guess I could mention better sex

543
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:17,820
life

544
00:26:21,769 --> 00:26:19,440
my wife and I are just getting along

545
00:26:26,090 --> 00:26:21,779
better and she's not somebody that would

546
00:26:29,630 --> 00:26:26,100
uh be interested in uh drunken crazy sex

547
00:26:32,350 --> 00:26:29,640
if I'm drunk she's not interested so I'm

548
00:26:34,850 --> 00:26:32,360
sober more which means uh

549
00:26:38,890 --> 00:26:34,860
increased happy fun time

550
00:26:42,289 --> 00:26:38,900
uh so that's a definite positive right

551
00:26:45,049 --> 00:26:42,299
nobody wants uh somebody's sloppy drunk

552
00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:45,059
all over them you know uh and I'm

553
00:26:50,149 --> 00:26:46,740
realizing that now

554
00:26:52,310 --> 00:26:50,159
and certainly I I suppose being sober

555
00:26:56,450 --> 00:26:52,320
you're you're much more attentive and

556
00:26:57,769 --> 00:26:56,460
less of a selfish person in that regard

557
00:26:59,690 --> 00:26:57,779
so

558
00:27:02,870 --> 00:26:59,700
um I've got a note here healthier

559
00:27:04,870 --> 00:27:02,880
overall lifestyle I have begun the

560
00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:04,880
process of making other healthy

561
00:27:11,149 --> 00:27:07,679
decisions like maybe quit smoking maybe

562
00:27:14,029 --> 00:27:11,159
uh cut back on the salt you use or the

563
00:27:16,610 --> 00:27:14,039
sugar that you're adding to your drinks

564
00:27:19,310 --> 00:27:16,620
I drink a lot of iced tea and hot tea

565
00:27:20,990 --> 00:27:19,320
it's the only white sugar I take in but

566
00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:21,000
I'm even considering cutting that out

567
00:27:25,850 --> 00:27:23,220
completely

568
00:27:28,190 --> 00:27:25,860
um I have this listed as a positive but

569
00:27:31,130 --> 00:27:28,200
it's actually on both my positive and

570
00:27:34,310 --> 00:27:31,140
negative side and that is dealing with

571
00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:34,320
problems rather than avoiding ignoring

572
00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:36,120
or escaping them

573
00:27:42,710 --> 00:27:39,000
and again I put that on my positive as

574
00:27:44,750 --> 00:27:42,720
well as my uh negative side uh but I do

575
00:27:48,409 --> 00:27:44,760
think that now

576
00:27:50,450 --> 00:27:48,419
you know I I would drink and then and a

577
00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:50,460
bad news that would be an excuse to

578
00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:52,080
drink

579
00:27:56,090 --> 00:27:54,600
um some new problem that pops up that I

580
00:27:58,610 --> 00:27:56,100
don't really want to deal with that's an

581
00:28:00,350 --> 00:27:58,620
excuse to drink and I'm no longer doing

582
00:28:01,730 --> 00:28:00,360
that now I'm just facing a lot of

583
00:28:05,110 --> 00:28:01,740
problems head on

584
00:28:07,970 --> 00:28:05,120
uh but that can be stressful and and uh

585
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:07,980
I think that is added to my anxiety

586
00:28:12,110 --> 00:28:10,020
level about all of this but it certainly

587
00:28:14,570 --> 00:28:12,120
a healthier way of dealing with your

588
00:28:17,510 --> 00:28:14,580
problems is to just deal with them like

589
00:28:20,330 --> 00:28:17,520
let's solve the problem instead of let's

590
00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:20,340
drink and and tomorrow I'll figure it

591
00:28:24,590 --> 00:28:22,500
out and then tomorrow comes and you go

592
00:28:27,049 --> 00:28:24,600
I'll drink tonight too and the next day

593
00:28:29,870 --> 00:28:27,059
I'll figure it out I would Kick the Can

594
00:28:32,810 --> 00:28:29,880
with problems especially new problems

595
00:28:34,669 --> 00:28:32,820
like I I got enough old problems I don't

596
00:28:36,710 --> 00:28:34,679
want to deal with the new problems so I

597
00:28:37,789 --> 00:28:36,720
would drink and kick those problems down

598
00:28:40,789 --> 00:28:37,799
the road

599
00:28:44,090 --> 00:28:40,799
and say I'll deal with them later and

600
00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:44,100
that's not a good thing so I am

601
00:28:49,130 --> 00:28:45,720
definitely dealing with especially new

602
00:28:51,950 --> 00:28:49,140
problems like let's just do what we have

603
00:28:54,169 --> 00:28:51,960
to do and and get around this problem or

604
00:28:56,510 --> 00:28:54,179
or solve it or you know come up with

605
00:28:59,690 --> 00:28:56,520
even a temporary solution

606
00:29:03,409 --> 00:28:59,700
but uh not having that escape from them

607
00:29:06,350 --> 00:29:03,419
has caused me increased anxiety this is

608
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:06,360
typical I think and and very healthy you

609
00:29:11,269 --> 00:29:08,340
know

610
00:29:13,730 --> 00:29:11,279
uh let's see again listed on the

611
00:29:16,490 --> 00:29:13,740
positives I have uh that I am learning

612
00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:16,500
to deal with things I cannot change

613
00:29:21,470 --> 00:29:18,840
I'm sure there's many things in all of

614
00:29:22,610 --> 00:29:21,480
our lives that we just can't change I

615
00:29:25,130 --> 00:29:22,620
can't change

616
00:29:26,110 --> 00:29:25,140
many things especially things in the

617
00:29:29,210 --> 00:29:26,120
past

618
00:29:32,630 --> 00:29:29,220
but I used to dwell on those things and

619
00:29:34,730 --> 00:29:32,640
drink now I'm sort of uh just learning

620
00:29:37,250 --> 00:29:34,740
that some things you can't change and

621
00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:37,260
you just have to accept them and this of

622
00:29:42,350 --> 00:29:39,120
course comes through the serenity prayer

623
00:29:45,230 --> 00:29:42,360
and and uh my short time so far in

624
00:29:46,610 --> 00:29:45,240
Alcoholics Anonymous I'm not sure how I

625
00:29:50,210 --> 00:29:46,620
feel about Alcoholics Anonymous we'll

626
00:29:50,870 --> 00:29:50,220
talk about that it's been helpful for me

627
00:29:54,769 --> 00:29:50,880
um

628
00:29:57,470 --> 00:29:54,779
two and the Serenity Prayer of course uh

629
00:29:59,810 --> 00:29:57,480
sort of guides you to just learn to

630
00:30:03,169 --> 00:29:59,820
accept the things you can't change

631
00:30:05,510 --> 00:30:03,179
in the past I was unwilling to do that I

632
00:30:09,049 --> 00:30:05,520
I'm not big on acceptance I would always

633
00:30:10,370 --> 00:30:09,059
say like but I can change it or I can do

634
00:30:12,830 --> 00:30:10,380
something about

635
00:30:14,389 --> 00:30:12,840
some things you just can't you just got

636
00:30:17,630 --> 00:30:14,399
to accept them

637
00:30:18,350 --> 00:30:17,640
and you do need to have the wisdom to

638
00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:18,360
know

639
00:30:22,549 --> 00:30:20,580
what are the things that you can change

640
00:30:25,610 --> 00:30:22,559
or improve and what are the things you

641
00:30:27,769 --> 00:30:25,620
just have to accept them and that's just

642
00:30:29,090 --> 00:30:27,779
what you have to do sometimes I I was

643
00:30:30,830 --> 00:30:29,100
never good at that but I'm getting

644
00:30:32,810 --> 00:30:30,840
better at it

645
00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:32,820
I have a note here increased

646
00:30:37,370 --> 00:30:35,820
productivity I'm getting more done I'm

647
00:30:39,830 --> 00:30:37,380
certainly getting much more done than

648
00:30:42,470 --> 00:30:39,840
when I was drinking I'm finishing more

649
00:30:44,930 --> 00:30:42,480
projects I'm finishing more old projects

650
00:30:47,269 --> 00:30:44,940
and starting less new projects one of

651
00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:47,279
the things I made notes about and

652
00:30:51,409 --> 00:30:49,860
realizes that while I was getting drunk

653
00:30:53,870 --> 00:30:51,419
constantly

654
00:30:56,810 --> 00:30:53,880
you know finishing a project is the hard

655
00:30:59,810 --> 00:30:56,820
part it's easy to start new ones and I

656
00:31:01,549 --> 00:30:59,820
I'm a little add so I would instead of

657
00:31:03,830 --> 00:31:01,559
finishing this project I would start

658
00:31:06,230 --> 00:31:03,840
another one and I'm sure that's still a

659
00:31:08,330 --> 00:31:06,240
struggle for me to finish a project

660
00:31:10,310 --> 00:31:08,340
before starting new ones

661
00:31:12,529 --> 00:31:10,320
sometimes you have to wait for a

662
00:31:14,389 --> 00:31:12,539
solution to a problem

663
00:31:16,909 --> 00:31:14,399
for a project you're trying to finish

664
00:31:19,070 --> 00:31:16,919
and in the meantime I'll start something

665
00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:19,080
else but I think I have a healthier

666
00:31:23,510 --> 00:31:21,480
approach to these things now

667
00:31:27,289 --> 00:31:23,520
another note here on the positive side

668
00:31:29,990 --> 00:31:27,299
is that I appear to be more focused on

669
00:31:32,810 --> 00:31:30,000
my short-term and long-term goals

670
00:31:34,909 --> 00:31:32,820
when I was drinking constantly I didn't

671
00:31:37,130 --> 00:31:34,919
have long-term goals I had only

672
00:31:40,490 --> 00:31:37,140
short-term goals and most of those goals

673
00:31:41,690 --> 00:31:40,500
revolved around making sure I had plenty

674
00:31:45,110 --> 00:31:41,700
of alcohol

675
00:31:47,630 --> 00:31:45,120
and uh long-term goals got sort of Lost

676
00:31:49,789 --> 00:31:47,640
in there you know I wasn't worried about

677
00:31:51,310 --> 00:31:49,799
next week I was just trying to get

678
00:31:52,909 --> 00:31:51,320
through the day

679
00:31:55,789 --> 00:31:52,919
and

680
00:31:58,789 --> 00:31:55,799
drinking myself into a near coma at

681
00:32:01,850 --> 00:31:58,799
times which is certainly not healthy so

682
00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:01,860
I do think after this 90 days I'm

683
00:32:07,190 --> 00:32:04,380
certainly more focused on long-term

684
00:32:09,409 --> 00:32:07,200
goals and short-term goals and I've also

685
00:32:12,590 --> 00:32:09,419
learning to manage

686
00:32:16,070 --> 00:32:12,600
get those short-term goals going that

687
00:32:18,110 --> 00:32:16,080
contribute to the longer term goals

688
00:32:20,210 --> 00:32:18,120
um for example this show I know that

689
00:32:22,610 --> 00:32:20,220
every day I've got to come here and I've

690
00:32:25,549 --> 00:32:22,620
got to complete a show or you know

691
00:32:27,889 --> 00:32:25,559
however many times a week and that is

692
00:32:29,570 --> 00:32:27,899
contributing to the longer term goal of

693
00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:29,580
building the show building the show

694
00:32:33,350 --> 00:32:31,559
audience

695
00:32:35,330 --> 00:32:33,360
um I'm just more focused on these things

696
00:32:39,289 --> 00:32:35,340
now also on

697
00:32:40,970 --> 00:32:39,299
uh short-term and long-term goals for my

698
00:32:42,590 --> 00:32:40,980
family you know I'd really like to

699
00:32:44,810 --> 00:32:42,600
finish that cabin and I've got

700
00:32:46,430 --> 00:32:44,820
short-term goals you know I'm trying to

701
00:32:48,649 --> 00:32:46,440
build the porch right now and that

702
00:32:50,690 --> 00:32:48,659
contributes to the longer term goal of

703
00:32:54,230 --> 00:32:50,700
having it finished finally finished

704
00:32:56,510 --> 00:32:54,240
completed cabin there

705
00:32:59,690 --> 00:32:56,520
I have a note here that I have a clearer

706
00:33:02,269 --> 00:32:59,700
mind and a better perspective

707
00:33:05,210 --> 00:33:02,279
um when you're polluting your your brain

708
00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:05,220
with alcohol every day it I think it

709
00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:07,140
does skew your perspective you lose

710
00:33:12,110 --> 00:33:09,600
perspective and you focus too much on

711
00:33:14,810 --> 00:33:12,120
short-term things

712
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:14,820
um and that's not healthy now I have

713
00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:17,580
sort of a clearer mind about things and

714
00:33:26,029 --> 00:33:19,220
I'm not just

715
00:33:28,690 --> 00:33:26,039
drowning my worries away under uh you

716
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:28,700
know the weight of a case of beer I'm

717
00:33:33,110 --> 00:33:31,320
dealing with those problems or formula

718
00:33:36,710 --> 00:33:33,120
trying to formulate solutions for

719
00:33:39,710 --> 00:33:36,720
whatever problems are arising and

720
00:33:41,210 --> 00:33:39,720
my mind just seems clearer and I have a

721
00:33:44,149 --> 00:33:41,220
better perspective and some of you have

722
00:33:47,210 --> 00:33:44,159
noticed that uh lately another thing

723
00:33:50,330 --> 00:33:47,220
next on my list and another thing some

724
00:33:53,330 --> 00:33:50,340
have noticed and and uh not been happy

725
00:33:56,450 --> 00:33:53,340
about is that I uh since quitting

726
00:33:59,269 --> 00:33:56,460
drinking these past 99 days I am much

727
00:34:00,310 --> 00:33:59,279
less angry and I'm in a better overall

728
00:34:04,490 --> 00:34:00,320
mood

729
00:34:05,570 --> 00:34:04,500
uh when you're half hungover all the

730
00:34:09,109 --> 00:34:05,580
time

731
00:34:12,230 --> 00:34:09,119
your fuse is very short and uh things

732
00:34:13,909 --> 00:34:12,240
bother you that wouldn't bother a sober

733
00:34:16,790 --> 00:34:13,919
or normal person

734
00:34:19,790 --> 00:34:16,800
and I've noticed that I'm certainly less

735
00:34:21,649 --> 00:34:19,800
angry uh both in my personal life and on

736
00:34:25,490 --> 00:34:21,659
the show here takes a lot more to make

737
00:34:28,310 --> 00:34:25,500
me pop off you know uh other show hosts

738
00:34:32,149 --> 00:34:28,320
talking smack you know I just don't get

739
00:34:35,510 --> 00:34:32,159
as pissed off and by the way I I know I

740
00:34:37,849 --> 00:34:35,520
kind of thought of you know some things

741
00:34:40,010 --> 00:34:37,859
about my drinking is like that really is

742
00:34:43,129 --> 00:34:40,020
my darker side I would get pissed off at

743
00:34:45,710 --> 00:34:43,139
Drake right get pissed off

744
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:45,720
F this person and this person could suck

745
00:34:49,010 --> 00:34:47,760
a you know what and this and that and

746
00:34:54,409 --> 00:34:49,020
drink

747
00:34:56,450 --> 00:34:54,419
doesn't make you any less angry it

748
00:34:59,150 --> 00:34:56,460
lowers your inhibitions and then you say

749
00:35:02,089 --> 00:34:59,160
and do things you might not ordinarily

750
00:35:04,849 --> 00:35:02,099
say so I've also got

751
00:35:08,089 --> 00:35:04,859
um sort of increased

752
00:35:10,550 --> 00:35:08,099
I don't know fuse does that make sense

753
00:35:13,069 --> 00:35:10,560
and even with my children it takes a lot

754
00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:13,079
more for me to pop off at them or to

755
00:35:18,290 --> 00:35:15,540
lose my patience with them because

756
00:35:19,609 --> 00:35:18,300
I'm not drunk or hung or excuse me I'm

757
00:35:21,890 --> 00:35:19,619
not hungover

758
00:35:24,230 --> 00:35:21,900
uh yeah

759
00:35:26,990 --> 00:35:24,240
and uh another note stupid people don't

760
00:35:29,450 --> 00:35:27,000
bother me as much and again this also

761
00:35:31,069 --> 00:35:29,460
falls under the things I can't change I

762
00:35:34,190 --> 00:35:31,079
can't change some other show host that

763
00:35:37,430 --> 00:35:34,200
has to lie about me because uh for

764
00:35:39,829 --> 00:35:37,440
whatever reasons right or wants to draw

765
00:35:42,770 --> 00:35:39,839
me into some drama

766
00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:42,780
I I stupid people don't bother me as

767
00:35:47,390 --> 00:35:45,300
much and again that also comes with I

768
00:35:49,450 --> 00:35:47,400
have a greater perspective

769
00:35:52,430 --> 00:35:49,460
in in

770
00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:52,440
you know sort of interacting with this

771
00:35:57,470 --> 00:35:55,140
nasty negative person this stupid person

772
00:35:59,390 --> 00:35:57,480
it doesn't help my long-term or

773
00:36:02,750 --> 00:35:59,400
short-term goals I'm not going to be

774
00:36:05,510 --> 00:36:02,760
drawn into drama that's unnecessary

775
00:36:07,490 --> 00:36:05,520
and I and again I some things I can't

776
00:36:08,870 --> 00:36:07,500
control I can't control people that are

777
00:36:12,290 --> 00:36:08,880
willing to lie

778
00:36:14,870 --> 00:36:12,300
you know uh make things up about me

779
00:36:17,150 --> 00:36:14,880
I I can't control that I'm accepting it

780
00:36:18,710 --> 00:36:17,160
and it just doesn't bother me as much it

781
00:36:21,349 --> 00:36:18,720
used to be that that kind of stuff would

782
00:36:23,270 --> 00:36:21,359
trigger me to go on a bender I would

783
00:36:25,490 --> 00:36:23,280
have a good Bender right let's just

784
00:36:27,050 --> 00:36:25,500
drink myself into a comb and think about

785
00:36:29,510 --> 00:36:27,060
that prick

786
00:36:31,490 --> 00:36:29,520
it's just not worth it to me anymore and

787
00:36:32,930 --> 00:36:31,500
I'm not thinking about those Pricks or

788
00:36:35,810 --> 00:36:32,940
stupid people

789
00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:35,820
that bother me or ordinarily would

790
00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:36,900
bother me

791
00:36:41,210 --> 00:36:39,300
there's things I can't control stupid

792
00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:41,220
people saying stupid things is one of

793
00:36:45,349 --> 00:36:42,540
them

794
00:36:47,450 --> 00:36:45,359
uh also on the positive side

795
00:36:51,829 --> 00:36:47,460
I have returned to some form of

796
00:36:54,050 --> 00:36:51,839
spiritual practice and uh that would be

797
00:36:56,990 --> 00:36:54,060
I am praying

798
00:36:58,670 --> 00:36:57,000
again and I wasn't most of the time that

799
00:37:01,190 --> 00:36:58,680
I was drinking wasn't even thinking

800
00:37:03,349 --> 00:37:01,200
about God I was selfishly thinking about

801
00:37:06,290 --> 00:37:03,359
myself and my own problems I was

802
00:37:09,710 --> 00:37:06,300
wallowing in my own self-pity

803
00:37:11,750 --> 00:37:09,720
uh so now I've sort of returned to some

804
00:37:14,450 --> 00:37:11,760
form of spiritual practice I'm getting

805
00:37:16,609 --> 00:37:14,460
closer to Nature I'm feeling Closer To

806
00:37:18,109 --> 00:37:16,619
Source or God or whatever you want to

807
00:37:20,930 --> 00:37:18,119
call that energy

808
00:37:24,890 --> 00:37:20,940
and and it feels like I am reintroducing

809
00:37:28,190 --> 00:37:24,900
that into my life and that practice used

810
00:37:31,430 --> 00:37:28,200
to be very beneficial to me somewhere I

811
00:37:33,710 --> 00:37:31,440
lost that in a in a bottle

812
00:37:36,230 --> 00:37:33,720
but I've returned to that I'm also

813
00:37:37,030 --> 00:37:36,240
returning to meditation which has helped

814
00:37:40,730 --> 00:37:37,040
me

815
00:37:43,130 --> 00:37:40,740
to sort of deal with my anxiety issues

816
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:43,140
head on instead of running from them and

817
00:37:48,470 --> 00:37:45,359
and drowning them in a bottle

818
00:37:51,650 --> 00:37:48,480
uh and with meditation also comes in a

819
00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:51,660
form of increased emotional awareness

820
00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:53,280
and what does that mean that means that

821
00:37:58,130 --> 00:37:55,020
you become more aware of your emotional

822
00:38:01,910 --> 00:37:58,140
states and again you're less likely to

823
00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:01,920
pop off suddenly get angry you know blow

824
00:38:07,630 --> 00:38:04,859
a fuse and start yelling or getting that

825
00:38:11,089 --> 00:38:07,640
pissed off that your uh emotional

826
00:38:14,390 --> 00:38:11,099
outbursts reduce because instead of

827
00:38:15,170 --> 00:38:14,400
going from zero to a hundred and popping

828
00:38:17,810 --> 00:38:15,180
off

829
00:38:20,630 --> 00:38:17,820
you have this emotional awareness oh I'm

830
00:38:23,690 --> 00:38:20,640
I'm getting anxious I'm getting angry

831
00:38:26,390 --> 00:38:23,700
uh I'm getting annoyed with this person

832
00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:26,400
or this situation and you you get that

833
00:38:29,329 --> 00:38:28,260
awareness and that enables you to push

834
00:38:31,370 --> 00:38:29,339
it back

835
00:38:33,470 --> 00:38:31,380
or to push it down

836
00:38:36,290 --> 00:38:33,480
and not

837
00:38:38,990 --> 00:38:36,300
pop off right

838
00:38:41,150 --> 00:38:39,000
also a note here I'm exploring other

839
00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:41,160
healthier lifestyle choices like

840
00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:44,760
quitting smoking caffeine and sugar

841
00:38:47,270 --> 00:38:45,420
um

842
00:38:49,730 --> 00:38:47,280
you know I decided when I started this

843
00:38:53,270 --> 00:38:49,740
journey that I would deal with my

844
00:38:55,609 --> 00:38:53,280
greatest demon if you will first and

845
00:38:57,410 --> 00:38:55,619
that would be alcohol that was certainly

846
00:39:01,970 --> 00:38:57,420
the most destructive

847
00:39:06,170 --> 00:39:01,980
unhealthy choice or bad habit in my life

848
00:39:09,950 --> 00:39:06,180
um so I I've dealt with that and now I

849
00:39:11,690 --> 00:39:09,960
am exploring yeah we uh we're I'm trying

850
00:39:13,910 --> 00:39:11,700
the Vapes everybody keeps telling me

851
00:39:15,050 --> 00:39:13,920
Vape instead of smoke I'm trying it just

852
00:39:20,690 --> 00:39:15,060
I

853
00:39:22,670 --> 00:39:20,700
those healthier lifestyle choices like

854
00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:22,680
quitting smoking caffeine and sugar

855
00:39:27,829 --> 00:39:25,440
better diet all these things while

856
00:39:31,430 --> 00:39:27,839
drinking I would have never cared to

857
00:39:33,770 --> 00:39:31,440
even try to make healthier life

858
00:39:37,130 --> 00:39:33,780
lifestyle choices because

859
00:39:38,870 --> 00:39:37,140
you know uh my like my health was a mess

860
00:39:40,730 --> 00:39:38,880
because of the drinking so quitting

861
00:39:43,190 --> 00:39:40,740
smoking or caffeine or sugar wouldn't

862
00:39:45,230 --> 00:39:43,200
help anything at that point but having

863
00:39:47,870 --> 00:39:45,240
tackled the biggest demon in my life

864
00:39:50,569 --> 00:39:47,880
maybe now is a good time to explore

865
00:39:52,370 --> 00:39:50,579
other healthier lifestyle choices like

866
00:39:53,930 --> 00:39:52,380
this quitting smoke and caffeine or

867
00:39:54,950 --> 00:39:53,940
sugar

868
00:39:58,069 --> 00:39:54,960
um

869
00:40:01,130 --> 00:39:58,079
another note here I I do feel that after

870
00:40:03,530 --> 00:40:01,140
99 days without alcohol I have become a

871
00:40:06,470 --> 00:40:03,540
Kindler gentler

872
00:40:07,490 --> 00:40:06,480
more patient and less of a selfish

873
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:07,500
person

874
00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:11,220
uh you know while hungover and uh sort

875
00:40:16,670 --> 00:40:14,339
of feeling beat up and defeated and in a

876
00:40:18,589 --> 00:40:16,680
nasty mood even things like going to the

877
00:40:20,390 --> 00:40:18,599
supermarket I would dread because there

878
00:40:22,190 --> 00:40:20,400
would always be some old lady in front

879
00:40:25,550 --> 00:40:22,200
of me counting pennies out or something

880
00:40:26,270 --> 00:40:25,560
that would I would lose my mind a little

881
00:40:29,390 --> 00:40:26,280
bit

882
00:40:31,790 --> 00:40:29,400
and now I find that I have I'm just

883
00:40:35,170 --> 00:40:31,800
Kindler and gentler I'm more empathetic

884
00:40:39,470 --> 00:40:35,180
towards other people's problems and more

885
00:40:43,790 --> 00:40:39,480
accepting of other people that used to

886
00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:43,800
be able to annoy me pretty easily now I

887
00:40:47,450 --> 00:40:45,540
I really do feel like I've become kind

888
00:40:49,430 --> 00:40:47,460
alert and gentler and some of you may

889
00:40:52,550 --> 00:40:49,440
have noticed that and as far as being

890
00:40:54,890 --> 00:40:52,560
less of a selfish person when you drink

891
00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:54,900
when when you're drinking to those

892
00:40:58,790 --> 00:40:56,760
levels you've become a selfish person

893
00:41:01,550 --> 00:40:58,800
all you care about is making sure you

894
00:41:05,030 --> 00:41:01,560
got maybe something to eat for the day

895
00:41:07,089 --> 00:41:05,040
and enough alcohol for the the night

896
00:41:11,569 --> 00:41:07,099
until the next day

897
00:41:13,569 --> 00:41:11,579
and things get lost you know like

898
00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:13,579
friends need your help you're not there

899
00:41:18,349 --> 00:41:15,900
family may need your help you're just

900
00:41:19,970 --> 00:41:18,359
not there because you checked out you're

901
00:41:24,349 --> 00:41:19,980
off in your uh

902
00:41:26,450 --> 00:41:24,359
own you know uh self-destructive world

903
00:41:28,250 --> 00:41:26,460
you're not thinking about other people

904
00:41:30,770 --> 00:41:28,260
you're thinking about yourself while I'm

905
00:41:33,230 --> 00:41:30,780
in your own self-pity you become very

906
00:41:37,130 --> 00:41:33,240
selfish and I did I freely admit that

907
00:41:40,730 --> 00:41:37,140
but I've worked on that and now I have

908
00:41:43,190 --> 00:41:40,740
probably have some uh some fences to

909
00:41:46,910 --> 00:41:43,200
mend and and I have to make up for that

910
00:41:50,569 --> 00:41:46,920
period and uh luckily most of the people

911
00:41:54,410 --> 00:41:50,579
that are you know I I owe something to

912
00:41:56,930 --> 00:41:54,420
are understanding and and willing to uh

913
00:41:58,910 --> 00:41:56,940
give me the opportunity to mend those

914
00:42:01,609 --> 00:41:58,920
fences

915
00:42:03,890 --> 00:42:01,619
another note uh

916
00:42:07,010 --> 00:42:03,900
I have been getting back to Old Hobbies

917
00:42:08,690 --> 00:42:07,020
like my love of hiking and nature

918
00:42:10,550 --> 00:42:08,700
I uh

919
00:42:12,589 --> 00:42:10,560
I don't know while I was drinking I

920
00:42:15,530 --> 00:42:12,599
would just sit in the cabin and drink I

921
00:42:17,089 --> 00:42:15,540
wouldn't there's there's so many

922
00:42:19,430 --> 00:42:17,099
beautiful things around that cabin

923
00:42:22,750 --> 00:42:19,440
there's hiking trails off in the woods

924
00:42:27,050 --> 00:42:22,760
there's even waterfalls and creeks and

925
00:42:31,069 --> 00:42:27,060
rivers and lakes and beautiful

926
00:42:33,109 --> 00:42:31,079
beautiful surroundings to go explore and

927
00:42:34,790 --> 00:42:33,119
I used to like that like well I don't

928
00:42:37,250 --> 00:42:34,800
know what's in those woods but I see a

929
00:42:41,510 --> 00:42:37,260
trail going in there why don't we go

930
00:42:43,550 --> 00:42:41,520
check it out I hung over the last thing

931
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:43,560
I wanted to do is go on a five mile hike

932
00:42:48,050 --> 00:42:46,260
in the woods to nowhere but now I find

933
00:42:50,210 --> 00:42:48,060
myself getting back to Nature and doing

934
00:42:51,710 --> 00:42:50,220
things like that and I'm enjoying that

935
00:42:54,050 --> 00:42:51,720
very much

936
00:42:55,670 --> 00:42:54,060
Getting Back To Nature always makes you

937
00:42:58,790 --> 00:42:55,680
feel better and I would encourage

938
00:43:02,349 --> 00:42:58,800
anybody regardless of your situation to

939
00:43:06,470 --> 00:43:02,359
spend more time doing that old Hobbies

940
00:43:09,490 --> 00:43:06,480
or activities while drinking I ignored a

941
00:43:13,430 --> 00:43:09,500
lot of things I I didn't

942
00:43:16,490 --> 00:43:13,440
explore my interests my interests became

943
00:43:18,589 --> 00:43:16,500
drinking that was my only interest for a

944
00:43:21,530 --> 00:43:18,599
time so

945
00:43:24,290 --> 00:43:21,540
the thought of like uh spending time

946
00:43:26,470 --> 00:43:24,300
doing like Electronics projects or you

947
00:43:30,470 --> 00:43:26,480
know I used to enjoy computers robots

948
00:43:32,329 --> 00:43:30,480
micro controllers all these things uh

949
00:43:35,569 --> 00:43:32,339
and I would just spend time nerding out

950
00:43:38,450 --> 00:43:35,579
on that stuff before uh the pandemic and

951
00:43:41,329 --> 00:43:38,460
my drunk time came getting back to that

952
00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:41,339
now and I'm enjoying that uh you know

953
00:43:47,930 --> 00:43:44,099
hobbies are enjoyable

954
00:43:49,970 --> 00:43:47,940
but if if you're again just wallowing in

955
00:43:51,650 --> 00:43:49,980
your own self-pity and and your hobby

956
00:43:54,410 --> 00:43:51,660
becomes drinking

957
00:43:56,690 --> 00:43:54,420
you know you're just not exploring those

958
00:44:00,170 --> 00:43:56,700
things with the same level of interest

959
00:44:02,750 --> 00:44:00,180
and uh excitement that you did before

960
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:02,760
drinking now I seem to be getting back

961
00:44:06,829 --> 00:44:04,319
to those things

962
00:44:11,450 --> 00:44:06,839
I have a note here too

963
00:44:15,710 --> 00:44:13,730
well we'll go to diet first and then

964
00:44:20,450 --> 00:44:15,720
we'll get back to that one I don't know

965
00:44:28,370 --> 00:44:24,530
due to my lack of uh due to my increased

966
00:44:30,770 --> 00:44:28,380
mental Clarity dealing with uh things I

967
00:44:33,470 --> 00:44:30,780
have decided to get back to some old

968
00:44:36,170 --> 00:44:33,480
unfinished business and I'm not going to

969
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:36,180
get deeply into the whole story but some

970
00:44:42,589 --> 00:44:40,020
time ago I quit uh being a stage

971
00:44:43,910 --> 00:44:42,599
magician I stopped doing magic shows and

972
00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:43,920
there was a lot of reasons for that

973
00:44:48,890 --> 00:44:46,319
principally among them was that my son

974
00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:48,900
was diagnosed with autism he's

975
00:44:54,470 --> 00:44:51,060
non-verbal he required a great deal of

976
00:44:56,329 --> 00:44:54,480
time and energy and then also some

977
00:44:59,089 --> 00:44:56,339
personal things happened right around

978
00:45:00,950 --> 00:44:59,099
the same time that just turned me off of

979
00:45:04,309 --> 00:45:00,960
that whole world

980
00:45:07,250 --> 00:45:04,319
but uh this increased mental Clarity has

981
00:45:10,370 --> 00:45:07,260
reminded me how much I loved that I was

982
00:45:14,390 --> 00:45:10,380
good at it too God damn I was good at it

983
00:45:16,790 --> 00:45:14,400
and I enjoyed uh the rehearsal for that

984
00:45:18,589 --> 00:45:16,800
for those who don't know if you're going

985
00:45:22,190 --> 00:45:18,599
to stand in front of people even for

986
00:45:25,309 --> 00:45:22,200
let's say 30 minutes that's hundreds of

987
00:45:27,650 --> 00:45:25,319
hours of practice to do it right to be

988
00:45:30,829 --> 00:45:27,660
able to be good enough to really stand

989
00:45:33,829 --> 00:45:30,839
there and and do a great job

990
00:45:35,150 --> 00:45:33,839
uh and make those memories for people I

991
00:45:36,770 --> 00:45:35,160
considered it an incredible

992
00:45:39,530 --> 00:45:36,780
responsibility to stand in front of

993
00:45:41,870 --> 00:45:39,540
people and do a magic show for many

994
00:45:43,550 --> 00:45:41,880
people all they see is the Magician on

995
00:45:46,130 --> 00:45:43,560
television they never see one in person

996
00:45:47,510 --> 00:45:46,140
you become something of a unicorn it was

997
00:45:50,210 --> 00:45:47,520
something special but it was a

998
00:45:53,030 --> 00:45:50,220
responsibility that I took incredibly

999
00:45:55,430 --> 00:45:53,040
seriously and ask any good magician when

1000
00:45:58,970 --> 00:45:55,440
they see a bad one you want to smack

1001
00:46:02,329 --> 00:45:58,980
them because that ruins the art for many

1002
00:46:04,910 --> 00:46:02,339
many people right

1003
00:46:06,710 --> 00:46:04,920
for whatever reason I I walked away from

1004
00:46:10,670 --> 00:46:06,720
that world for well for many reasons

1005
00:46:12,349 --> 00:46:10,680
maybe someday I'll share more about that

1006
00:46:14,390 --> 00:46:12,359
um and and by the way some people

1007
00:46:17,690 --> 00:46:14,400
brought up some of those reasons uh

1008
00:46:20,870 --> 00:46:17,700
trying to slag me but that's a story for

1009
00:46:24,829 --> 00:46:20,880
another time it's enough to say that uh

1010
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:24,839
I have gained enough mental Clarity and

1011
00:46:31,250 --> 00:46:27,420
perspective now to realize that there

1012
00:46:35,390 --> 00:46:31,260
are some things that I have unfinished

1013
00:46:38,690 --> 00:46:35,400
business with and uh that calling to go

1014
00:46:42,050 --> 00:46:38,700
and finish that thing

1015
00:46:44,150 --> 00:46:42,060
that I started has become stronger

1016
00:46:46,970 --> 00:46:44,160
and um

1017
00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:46,980
I'm glad for that I'm glad too that

1018
00:46:53,569 --> 00:46:50,040
whatever was preventing me from pursuing

1019
00:46:56,150 --> 00:46:53,579
that unfinished business has been lifted

1020
00:46:58,550 --> 00:46:56,160
I feel better about it I feel better

1021
00:47:01,730 --> 00:46:58,560
about the reasons I quit I feel better

1022
00:47:02,510 --> 00:47:01,740
about the possibility of going back to

1023
00:47:05,510 --> 00:47:02,520
that

1024
00:47:07,790 --> 00:47:05,520
uh if you would have told me

1025
00:47:10,849 --> 00:47:07,800
um even a few months ago that I would

1026
00:47:14,030 --> 00:47:10,859
decide that I would never believed you I

1027
00:47:15,770 --> 00:47:14,040
was done so done

1028
00:47:17,809 --> 00:47:15,780
but then I realized through this

1029
00:47:19,910 --> 00:47:17,819
increased mental Clarity and perspective

1030
00:47:22,790 --> 00:47:19,920
that I was walking away for the wrong

1031
00:47:25,370 --> 00:47:22,800
reasons and I was hating an entire art

1032
00:47:27,349 --> 00:47:25,380
form because of some of the people in it

1033
00:47:30,349 --> 00:47:27,359
and that's wrong

1034
00:47:31,790 --> 00:47:30,359
no I'd like to get back to that part of

1035
00:47:35,089 --> 00:47:31,800
uh

1036
00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:35,099
the grinding on the rehearsal you know

1037
00:47:41,450 --> 00:47:38,640
uh and by the way I've begun the process

1038
00:47:43,370 --> 00:47:41,460
of getting my hands back ask any

1039
00:47:45,829 --> 00:47:43,380
magician that quits for a number of

1040
00:47:48,530 --> 00:47:45,839
years you're gonna have to really work

1041
00:47:50,390 --> 00:47:48,540
your ass off to get your hands back in

1042
00:47:53,690 --> 00:47:50,400
the condition I did a lot of sleight of

1043
00:47:56,329 --> 00:47:53,700
hand that does not come easy

1044
00:47:59,150 --> 00:47:56,339
um but I'm enjoying that and I can

1045
00:48:02,329 --> 00:47:59,160
already feel those the muscle memory I

1046
00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:02,339
was in I was impressed and amazed at the

1047
00:48:09,050 --> 00:48:04,859
muscle memory was still there

1048
00:48:13,130 --> 00:48:09,060
you do some of those moves 5 000 times

1049
00:48:15,050 --> 00:48:13,140
to learn them and do them well it did

1050
00:48:17,930 --> 00:48:15,060
stick with me it is like riding a bike

1051
00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:17,940
now just like riding a bike if you

1052
00:48:21,470 --> 00:48:20,160
haven't ridden a bike in five years and

1053
00:48:23,270 --> 00:48:21,480
you get back home one you're going to be

1054
00:48:25,490 --> 00:48:23,280
a little wonky for a while but you still

1055
00:48:27,710 --> 00:48:25,500
remember how to ride the bike so my

1056
00:48:29,750 --> 00:48:27,720
muscle memory is there I just have to

1057
00:48:32,870 --> 00:48:29,760
build up my uh

1058
00:48:34,370 --> 00:48:32,880
build those skills back but it's not I

1059
00:48:36,829 --> 00:48:34,380
thought it was impossible for a time I

1060
00:48:39,230 --> 00:48:36,839
thought I've taken too long off it'll be

1061
00:48:42,410 --> 00:48:39,240
impossible for me to go back to that

1062
00:48:44,690 --> 00:48:42,420
it's Mission Impossible and again maybe

1063
00:48:47,990 --> 00:48:44,700
it's the increased perspective or

1064
00:48:50,030 --> 00:48:48,000
whatever it is I I've learned no it's

1065
00:48:52,910 --> 00:48:50,040
not it's not as impossible as I thought

1066
00:48:55,450 --> 00:48:52,920
I just have to set my mind to it

1067
00:48:58,370 --> 00:48:55,460
start rehearsing and get my hands back

1068
00:49:01,790 --> 00:48:58,380
but I can already tell

1069
00:49:03,770 --> 00:49:01,800
they're coming back and uh I can't tell

1070
00:49:07,250 --> 00:49:03,780
you how happy I am about that because I

1071
00:49:10,730 --> 00:49:07,260
thought those skills were gone forever

1072
00:49:12,950 --> 00:49:10,740
now I have a note here uh better overall

1073
00:49:15,710 --> 00:49:12,960
diet uh

1074
00:49:18,470 --> 00:49:15,720
the first two weeks I had no dietary

1075
00:49:21,290 --> 00:49:18,480
change I still ate garbage

1076
00:49:23,450 --> 00:49:21,300
um so now I'm eating low carb high

1077
00:49:26,210 --> 00:49:23,460
protein and I'm exploring other options

1078
00:49:27,530 --> 00:49:26,220
and also I've begun the process of

1079
00:49:29,870 --> 00:49:27,540
supplementing

1080
00:49:32,510 --> 00:49:29,880
I'm trying some different supplements to

1081
00:49:34,730 --> 00:49:32,520
help with both the weight loss and just

1082
00:49:35,510 --> 00:49:34,740
overall health

1083
00:49:38,030 --> 00:49:35,520
um

1084
00:49:40,430 --> 00:49:38,040
for the past 80 days or so once I made

1085
00:49:44,089 --> 00:49:40,440
that dietary change I've had almost no

1086
00:49:46,010 --> 00:49:44,099
processed foods no packaged Foods just

1087
00:49:49,430 --> 00:49:46,020
Whole Foods and what does that mean that

1088
00:49:51,849 --> 00:49:49,440
means real fruit real vegetables fresh

1089
00:49:56,450 --> 00:49:51,859
everything as fresh as possible and

1090
00:49:57,470 --> 00:49:56,460
healthy protein options meat salmon you

1091
00:50:01,130 --> 00:49:57,480
know

1092
00:50:02,990 --> 00:50:01,140
chicken whatever but Whole Foods I'm not

1093
00:50:06,010 --> 00:50:03,000
eating chicken nuggets I'm eating

1094
00:50:10,910 --> 00:50:06,020
chicken breast I'm not eating you know

1095
00:50:13,670 --> 00:50:10,920
uh just no packaged or processed foods

1096
00:50:16,970 --> 00:50:13,680
and maybe that has contributed to My

1097
00:50:19,430 --> 00:50:16,980
overall sense of well-being that has

1098
00:50:24,290 --> 00:50:19,440
increased tremendously I just feel

1099
00:50:26,030 --> 00:50:24,300
better overall I feel much much in a

1100
00:50:28,970 --> 00:50:26,040
better place now I feel completely

1101
00:50:30,470 --> 00:50:28,980
healthy I've also had doctor visits

1102
00:50:32,809 --> 00:50:30,480
every month which is something I never

1103
00:50:35,990 --> 00:50:32,819
would have done before but that has

1104
00:50:37,930 --> 00:50:36,000
helped just every month make it to the

1105
00:50:39,950 --> 00:50:37,940
next doctor visit

1106
00:50:42,109 --> 00:50:39,960
now we're going to talk about the

1107
00:50:44,510 --> 00:50:42,119
negatives but there's not many of them

1108
00:50:47,030 --> 00:50:44,520
uh and overall

1109
00:50:49,970 --> 00:50:47,040
it was a struggle for me to figure the

1110
00:50:52,490 --> 00:50:49,980
negatives out of quitting drinking but

1111
00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:52,500
there are some uh and we can talk about

1112
00:50:57,530 --> 00:50:55,440
them I have a note here the first one is

1113
00:50:59,390 --> 00:50:57,540
awkwardness at Social Gatherings

1114
00:51:00,530 --> 00:50:59,400
especially where everyone else is

1115
00:51:02,870 --> 00:51:00,540
drinking

1116
00:51:06,049 --> 00:51:02,880
I just feel funny uh if everybody else

1117
00:51:08,089 --> 00:51:06,059
is is drinking and I'm not you know you

1118
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:08,099
feel a little out of place especially

1119
00:51:12,549 --> 00:51:09,660
when it's people that I used to drink

1120
00:51:15,230 --> 00:51:12,559
with and I have I'm not gonna

1121
00:51:18,950 --> 00:51:15,240
begrudge any of my friends or family who

1122
00:51:21,290 --> 00:51:18,960
drink to drink at whatever you know or

1123
00:51:22,970 --> 00:51:21,300
to not drink around me you know some

1124
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:22,980
people will walk on eggshells when they

1125
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:25,260
hear you quit drinking or you might have

1126
00:51:28,970 --> 00:51:26,760
alcohol related issues they don't want

1127
00:51:30,589 --> 00:51:28,980
to drink around you I decided I don't

1128
00:51:32,270 --> 00:51:30,599
want to do that to anybody so I tell

1129
00:51:34,849 --> 00:51:32,280
everybody like do what you're gonna do

1130
00:51:37,190 --> 00:51:34,859
like if I if I'm gonna start drinking

1131
00:51:38,870 --> 00:51:37,200
I'm gonna start drinking you being next

1132
00:51:41,390 --> 00:51:38,880
to me with a beer is not going to

1133
00:51:44,690 --> 00:51:41,400
trigger me any more than I would trigger

1134
00:51:46,790 --> 00:51:44,700
myself so some people have uh drank

1135
00:51:49,609 --> 00:51:46,800
around me but it hasn't bothered me

1136
00:51:54,890 --> 00:51:52,430
and but I feel more Awkward I feel

1137
00:51:56,690 --> 00:51:54,900
awkward being the the sober guy I was

1138
00:51:58,130 --> 00:51:56,700
never the sober guy I was never the

1139
00:52:00,069 --> 00:51:58,140
designated driver that was always

1140
00:52:03,530 --> 00:52:00,079
somebody else

1141
00:52:07,010 --> 00:52:03,540
uh so that is a negative because I've

1142
00:52:09,049 --> 00:52:07,020
got like like social anxiety that I

1143
00:52:11,030 --> 00:52:09,059
didn't have before because I'd be drunk

1144
00:52:15,829 --> 00:52:11,040
and laughing right with them you know

1145
00:52:17,510 --> 00:52:15,839
now I yeah I'm a little awkward and a

1146
00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:17,520
little more

1147
00:52:21,470 --> 00:52:19,020
I don't know

1148
00:52:24,650 --> 00:52:21,480
just awkward it's just awkward to be the

1149
00:52:26,690 --> 00:52:24,660
sober one when everybody's drinking

1150
00:52:29,630 --> 00:52:26,700
I have another note here I have

1151
00:52:31,670 --> 00:52:29,640
increased anxiety and stress levels but

1152
00:52:33,530 --> 00:52:31,680
the difference is now I'm trying new

1153
00:52:35,809 --> 00:52:33,540
healthier strategies to deal with that

1154
00:52:37,730 --> 00:52:35,819
anxiety or stress rather than alcohol so

1155
00:52:39,829 --> 00:52:37,740
this is a negative this one I mentioned

1156
00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:39,839
is a negative and a positive at the same

1157
00:52:44,450 --> 00:52:40,800
time

1158
00:52:47,089 --> 00:52:44,460
I definitely feel like higher levels of

1159
00:52:48,430 --> 00:52:47,099
anxiety and stress sometimes because I

1160
00:52:50,990 --> 00:52:48,440
don't have that

1161
00:52:53,030 --> 00:52:51,000
erase button you know like if yesterday

1162
00:52:55,609 --> 00:52:53,040
was a shitty day I would just drink 15

1163
00:52:58,130 --> 00:52:55,619
beers and erase it and we'll start over

1164
00:53:01,970 --> 00:52:58,140
and I and I didn't carry over stress now

1165
00:53:04,609 --> 00:53:01,980
I am feeling a little bit more

1166
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:04,619
I I feel like I have more anxiety I

1167
00:53:09,950 --> 00:53:07,200
don't have that effort button anymore

1168
00:53:13,010 --> 00:53:09,960
called alcohol that was my effort button

1169
00:53:13,849 --> 00:53:13,020
you know feeling anxiety just drink it

1170
00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:13,859
away

1171
00:53:20,930 --> 00:53:16,260
don't worry about it tomorrow will be

1172
00:53:22,910 --> 00:53:20,940
better usually not but yeah so uh while

1173
00:53:26,030 --> 00:53:22,920
I am feeling increased anxiety and

1174
00:53:28,370 --> 00:53:26,040
stress levels at times

1175
00:53:30,530 --> 00:53:28,380
we that's a negative it feels like a

1176
00:53:32,329 --> 00:53:30,540
negative but the positive part of that

1177
00:53:34,609 --> 00:53:32,339
is that I'm trying new healthier

1178
00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:34,619
strategies to deal with that anxiety or

1179
00:53:39,950 --> 00:53:37,200
stress rather than just drinking it away

1180
00:53:43,609 --> 00:53:39,960
which doesn't really help but just again

1181
00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:43,619
it'll kick the problem down the line

1182
00:53:47,630 --> 00:53:45,300
um another negative that I have

1183
00:53:51,109 --> 00:53:47,640
experienced is that I've had increased

1184
00:53:52,970 --> 00:53:51,119
insomnia and uh and

1185
00:53:56,450 --> 00:53:52,980
and anxiety

1186
00:53:58,630 --> 00:53:56,460
uh my doctor has we've tried some

1187
00:54:01,790 --> 00:53:58,640
prescriptions that haven't really helped

1188
00:54:04,849 --> 00:54:01,800
uh I was prescribed and again this is a

1189
00:54:06,710 --> 00:54:04,859
how I not a how to so but you can ask

1190
00:54:08,450 --> 00:54:06,720
your doctor if you're experiencing these

1191
00:54:10,130 --> 00:54:08,460
symptoms again I'm not a health

1192
00:54:12,410 --> 00:54:10,140
professional or offering any medical

1193
00:54:15,109 --> 00:54:12,420
advice this is not a how-to this is a

1194
00:54:17,030 --> 00:54:15,119
how I uh and one of the ways that I

1195
00:54:19,130 --> 00:54:17,040
dealt with that increased insomnia and

1196
00:54:20,870 --> 00:54:19,140
anxiety is through the advice of a

1197
00:54:22,910 --> 00:54:20,880
doctor who prescribes several different

1198
00:54:26,930 --> 00:54:22,920
things for anxiety I was prescribed

1199
00:54:29,270 --> 00:54:26,940
aspirone which I tried briefly it just

1200
00:54:30,950 --> 00:54:29,280
made me a little nauseous and dizzy it

1201
00:54:33,530 --> 00:54:30,960
didn't really help with anxiety so we

1202
00:54:36,049 --> 00:54:33,540
quickly discontinued that after trying

1203
00:54:41,210 --> 00:54:36,059
it for a few days

1204
00:54:42,049 --> 00:54:41,220
um for insomnia I was prescribed

1205
00:54:44,750 --> 00:54:42,059
um

1206
00:54:46,849 --> 00:54:44,760
how do you say this hydroxyzine which

1207
00:54:48,829 --> 00:54:46,859
actually is like an antihistamine but

1208
00:54:50,990 --> 00:54:48,839
it'll make you drowsy

1209
00:54:52,910 --> 00:54:51,000
that didn't seem to really do much for

1210
00:54:55,730 --> 00:54:52,920
me it made me a little drowsy but

1211
00:54:59,270 --> 00:54:55,740
wouldn't put me out and also for

1212
00:55:00,650 --> 00:54:59,280
insomnia something called silenor or

1213
00:55:03,049 --> 00:55:00,660
Doxepin

1214
00:55:06,349 --> 00:55:03,059
which again isn't any anxiety medicine

1215
00:55:08,690 --> 00:55:06,359
but it is prescribed off label for sleep

1216
00:55:12,410 --> 00:55:08,700
aid the doxpin was somewhat helpful but

1217
00:55:15,530 --> 00:55:12,420
then it doesn't seem to help so uh now

1218
00:55:17,089 --> 00:55:15,540
you know we may try increasing dosage of

1219
00:55:19,730 --> 00:55:17,099
that

1220
00:55:22,130 --> 00:55:19,740
um in short I think the root of my

1221
00:55:24,890 --> 00:55:22,140
problem with insomnia was I used to just

1222
00:55:28,430 --> 00:55:24,900
drink myself to sleep which isn't really

1223
00:55:31,910 --> 00:55:28,440
sleep it's more like passing out

1224
00:55:33,109 --> 00:55:31,920
in any case I don't have you know I used

1225
00:55:35,690 --> 00:55:33,119
to

1226
00:55:38,270 --> 00:55:35,700
when my mind was racing and I couldn't

1227
00:55:41,829 --> 00:55:38,280
rest I would just drink until that

1228
00:55:44,270 --> 00:55:41,839
alcohol dulled me out to the point of uh

1229
00:55:48,109 --> 00:55:44,280
unconsciousness but again that's not

1230
00:55:49,849 --> 00:55:48,119
healthful sleep so uh now I'm trying to

1231
00:55:50,930 --> 00:55:49,859
deal with the sleeplessness in other

1232
00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:50,940
ways

1233
00:55:56,270 --> 00:55:53,760
sometimes I just have straight insomnia

1234
00:55:57,650 --> 00:55:56,280
can't sleep I've skipped whole nights of

1235
00:56:00,230 --> 00:55:57,660
sleep

1236
00:56:03,410 --> 00:56:00,240
um but I'm working on that and this of

1237
00:56:04,990 --> 00:56:03,420
course may be a side effect of quitting

1238
00:56:09,530 --> 00:56:05,000
drinking because of God increased

1239
00:56:12,109 --> 00:56:09,540
anxiety now or stress or whatever mind

1240
00:56:13,970 --> 00:56:12,119
racing you can't stop your mind from

1241
00:56:17,089 --> 00:56:13,980
racing with 15

1242
00:56:18,589 --> 00:56:17,099
drinks of alcohol anymore you I have to

1243
00:56:21,890 --> 00:56:18,599
find new ways of dealing with that

1244
00:56:24,589 --> 00:56:21,900
insomnia and that anxiety the anxiety

1245
00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:24,599
seems less of a problem the insomnia

1246
00:56:28,309 --> 00:56:26,460
seems like a bigger problem because if

1247
00:56:31,670 --> 00:56:28,319
you can't sleep you're not resting

1248
00:56:33,950 --> 00:56:31,680
you're not well rested you're you know

1249
00:56:36,589 --> 00:56:33,960
things can suffer so that's a big

1250
00:56:39,230 --> 00:56:36,599
problem and I'm trying to deal with it I

1251
00:56:42,049 --> 00:56:39,240
don't think so far based on my

1252
00:56:45,790 --> 00:56:42,059
experience that medication is going to

1253
00:56:49,370 --> 00:56:45,800
help me with that so I've all but uh

1254
00:56:51,470 --> 00:56:49,380
withdrawn from using any medication for

1255
00:56:54,829 --> 00:56:51,480
either insomnia or anxiety instead

1256
00:56:58,250 --> 00:56:54,839
choosing to deal with those things uh

1257
00:57:00,770 --> 00:56:58,260
through meditation spiritual practice

1258
00:57:02,750 --> 00:57:00,780
other things I'm trying

1259
00:57:06,589 --> 00:57:02,760
I have another note on the negative side

1260
00:57:08,030 --> 00:57:06,599
restlessness I just feel like

1261
00:57:11,450 --> 00:57:08,040
Restless

1262
00:57:14,210 --> 00:57:11,460
you know uh sometimes I

1263
00:57:16,430 --> 00:57:14,220
I mean to just sit down and watch a

1264
00:57:18,950 --> 00:57:16,440
movie and relax before bed but I can't

1265
00:57:20,210 --> 00:57:18,960
my mind is racing there's all these

1266
00:57:22,970 --> 00:57:20,220
things going on

1267
00:57:27,230 --> 00:57:22,980
I don't have the alcohol to dull my mind

1268
00:57:31,190 --> 00:57:27,240
out and quiet my demons in my head I

1269
00:57:33,589 --> 00:57:31,200
guess so I'm feeling very restless and

1270
00:57:36,410 --> 00:57:33,599
also uh sort of an increased anxiety

1271
00:57:38,210 --> 00:57:36,420
about unfinished projects you know I go

1272
00:57:39,770 --> 00:57:38,220
I really got to finish that and then

1273
00:57:43,549 --> 00:57:39,780
it's it's three o'clock in the morning

1274
00:57:45,470 --> 00:57:43,559
you know for an example this uh this

1275
00:57:47,270 --> 00:57:45,480
cabin I like it's three o'clock in the

1276
00:57:49,670 --> 00:57:47,280
morning it's got to be light out for me

1277
00:57:52,069 --> 00:57:49,680
to work on that porch I can't work on it

1278
00:57:55,069 --> 00:57:52,079
at three o'clock in the morning dummy me

1279
00:57:56,930 --> 00:57:55,079
is unable to sleep thinking maybe I

1280
00:57:59,510 --> 00:57:56,940
could just get some work lights and just

1281
00:58:01,430 --> 00:57:59,520
do it now because I can't sleep I might

1282
00:58:02,750 --> 00:58:01,440
as well use this insomnia for something

1283
00:58:05,569 --> 00:58:02,760
right

1284
00:58:07,309 --> 00:58:05,579
these are some examples of things that I

1285
00:58:09,950 --> 00:58:07,319
have been experiencing

1286
00:58:12,470 --> 00:58:09,960
and and I guess a lot of this is due to

1287
00:58:15,049 --> 00:58:12,480
I used alcohol as an off switch for my

1288
00:58:18,290 --> 00:58:15,059
brain I really did and now I have no

1289
00:58:21,530 --> 00:58:18,300
more reality escapism you know reality

1290
00:58:24,950 --> 00:58:21,540
smacks you in the face when when you're

1291
00:58:26,990 --> 00:58:24,960
when you quit using that crutch and you

1292
00:58:29,210 --> 00:58:27,000
don't have the off switch or the reality

1293
00:58:31,630 --> 00:58:29,220
escapism anymore

1294
00:58:34,190 --> 00:58:31,640
you're gonna you're gonna experience

1295
00:58:36,890 --> 00:58:34,200
restlessness and more insomnia I guess

1296
00:58:38,930 --> 00:58:36,900
so I'm just thinking that what I'm

1297
00:58:41,450 --> 00:58:38,940
experiencing is a natural part of this

1298
00:58:44,270 --> 00:58:41,460
process I'm told by others further along

1299
00:58:48,530 --> 00:58:44,280
than me that that may decrease

1300
00:58:52,430 --> 00:58:48,540
now I also again this is a negative but

1301
00:58:55,490 --> 00:58:52,440
uh maybe it's not I have a note here

1302
00:58:57,289 --> 00:58:55,500
that I have less creative output and

1303
00:58:58,490 --> 00:58:57,299
that may be due to no more creative

1304
00:59:01,190 --> 00:58:58,500
crutch

1305
00:59:04,430 --> 00:59:01,200
uh many of you know I'm a musician and

1306
00:59:06,770 --> 00:59:04,440
songwriter uh since quitting drinking I

1307
00:59:08,510 --> 00:59:06,780
used to write and record at least a few

1308
00:59:12,109 --> 00:59:08,520
songs a month even if I didn't release

1309
00:59:14,990 --> 00:59:12,119
them now I'm down to almost nothing

1310
00:59:16,609 --> 00:59:15,000
um and I think that's because no more

1311
00:59:19,430 --> 00:59:16,619
creative crutch I'm not getting drunk

1312
00:59:21,109 --> 00:59:19,440
and writing songs constantly you know

1313
00:59:22,849 --> 00:59:21,119
that was one of my excuses for drinking

1314
00:59:26,030 --> 00:59:22,859
well I'm gonna get drunk and write some

1315
00:59:29,510 --> 00:59:26,040
songs like as if that makes drinking 15

1316
00:59:33,410 --> 00:59:29,520
beers excusable somehow but this is the

1317
00:59:36,349 --> 00:59:33,420
world of the of the addicted right you

1318
00:59:38,870 --> 00:59:36,359
justify well I did drink 15 beers but I

1319
00:59:42,109 --> 00:59:38,880
recorded a song half the time I would go

1320
00:59:43,549 --> 00:59:42,119
back and do the playback and go Jesus I

1321
00:59:45,589 --> 00:59:43,559
must have been really drunk because this

1322
00:59:47,630 --> 00:59:45,599
is horrible and I would put that song in

1323
00:59:50,329 --> 00:59:47,640
the trash and try it again

1324
00:59:53,030 --> 00:59:50,339
a little never sober but a little less

1325
00:59:56,089 --> 00:59:53,040
drunk so

1326
00:59:57,710 --> 00:59:56,099
you know music songwriting be damned I'm

1327
01:00:00,890 --> 00:59:57,720
not gonna start drinking just to write

1328
01:00:02,569 --> 01:00:00,900
songs again I'm okay with less creative

1329
01:00:03,770 --> 01:00:02,579
output and I've had to learn to accept

1330
01:00:05,390 --> 01:00:03,780
that

1331
01:00:07,670 --> 01:00:05,400
um

1332
01:00:11,089 --> 01:00:07,680
again on the negatives I have a note

1333
01:00:13,910 --> 01:00:11,099
here that I have anxiety around bar and

1334
01:00:16,190 --> 01:00:13,920
take out closing times

1335
01:00:18,589 --> 01:00:16,200
somehow even after not drinking for 99

1336
01:00:20,870 --> 01:00:18,599
days I'm still aware of every place that

1337
01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:20,880
I could go and procure alcohol for

1338
01:00:25,789 --> 01:00:23,760
myself at any time of the day or night I

1339
01:00:27,710 --> 01:00:25,799
know when all the local bars around me

1340
01:00:30,289 --> 01:00:27,720
close I know when all the beer

1341
01:00:33,049 --> 01:00:30,299
distributors close around me and I

1342
01:00:35,089 --> 01:00:33,059
experience a bit of anxiety around those

1343
01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:35,099
times I think the beer distributors

1344
01:00:38,990 --> 01:00:37,260
around here all close at 9 00 p.m right

1345
01:00:42,049 --> 01:00:39,000
around 9pm

1346
01:00:44,990 --> 01:00:42,059
well really leading up to 9 p.m like 8

1347
01:00:47,510 --> 01:00:45,000
P.M I start feeling anxiety going

1348
01:00:49,849 --> 01:00:47,520
the bars the uh distributor is going to

1349
01:00:51,770 --> 01:00:49,859
close and if I don't go get alcohol I'm

1350
01:00:54,109 --> 01:00:51,780
not going to be able to drink tonight

1351
01:00:56,089 --> 01:00:54,119
but then I remind myself that I didn't I

1352
01:00:58,430 --> 01:00:56,099
wasn't supposed to be drinking

1353
01:01:00,289 --> 01:00:58,440
uh to begin with tonight or I wasn't

1354
01:01:03,230 --> 01:01:00,299
planning on drinking but I still have

1355
01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:03,240
some kind of weird anxiety around the

1356
01:01:09,890 --> 01:01:07,140
bar closes closing times which is 2 A.M

1357
01:01:11,770 --> 01:01:09,900
and the the beer distributor and liquor

1358
01:01:15,109 --> 01:01:11,780
store closing times

1359
01:01:17,510 --> 01:01:15,119
and I think this is related to like

1360
01:01:19,309 --> 01:01:17,520
I kind of think to myself if I just make

1361
01:01:21,349 --> 01:01:19,319
it past nine o'clock

1362
01:01:23,630 --> 01:01:21,359
then the only other place I could get

1363
01:01:26,329 --> 01:01:23,640
alcohol would be the local bar that has

1364
01:01:28,309 --> 01:01:26,339
take out and it's more expensive and

1365
01:01:32,150 --> 01:01:28,319
you know it's almost like I'm waiting

1366
01:01:34,309 --> 01:01:32,160
for the 9 00 p.m comes and I sort of

1367
01:01:36,410 --> 01:01:34,319
breathe aside a little sigh of relief

1368
01:01:39,530 --> 01:01:36,420
but I still have more anxiety because I

1369
01:01:42,289 --> 01:01:39,540
know that I can go to a bar with takeout

1370
01:01:44,329 --> 01:01:42,299
until 2 A.M or I could just go drink in

1371
01:01:46,789 --> 01:01:44,339
the bar until 2 A.M and then get take

1372
01:01:50,390 --> 01:01:46,799
out which I've done in the past

1373
01:01:51,530 --> 01:01:50,400
at 2 A.M or 1am I start having a bunch

1374
01:01:53,569 --> 01:01:51,540
of anxiety

1375
01:01:55,309 --> 01:01:53,579
and this may be part of my insomnia

1376
01:01:57,470 --> 01:01:55,319
problem but in any case

1377
01:01:59,210 --> 01:01:57,480
around 1am I start thinking I start

1378
01:01:59,990 --> 01:01:59,220
having that argument with myself you

1379
01:02:02,270 --> 01:02:00,000
know

1380
01:02:05,510 --> 01:02:02,280
you still got an hour if you want to

1381
01:02:07,430 --> 01:02:05,520
break this sober streak and maybe that's

1382
01:02:09,710 --> 01:02:07,440
my demon talking to me trying to

1383
01:02:12,230 --> 01:02:09,720
convince me that I can have some drinks

1384
01:02:14,829 --> 01:02:12,240
and it'll probably be okay just a

1385
01:02:18,530 --> 01:02:14,839
six-pack or whatever don't go too crazy

1386
01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:18,540
but every day around 1am I have this

1387
01:02:24,049 --> 01:02:21,180
argument with myself or something

1388
01:02:25,309 --> 01:02:24,059
similar to what I'm describing and I

1389
01:02:28,069 --> 01:02:25,319
gotta hold on

1390
01:02:29,930 --> 01:02:28,079
you know and by the way this isn't every

1391
01:02:32,690 --> 01:02:29,940
night I don't experience this every

1392
01:02:36,289 --> 01:02:32,700
night but a few times a week I do

1393
01:02:38,030 --> 01:02:36,299
and uh it is it's rough you know because

1394
01:02:39,950 --> 01:02:38,040
then I start having this argument with

1395
01:02:42,829 --> 01:02:39,960
myself maybe I will go get a six-pack

1396
01:02:44,930 --> 01:02:42,839
and you know if I just drank a six-pack

1397
01:02:47,809 --> 01:02:44,940
I'm not really hurting you know I'll go

1398
01:02:49,490 --> 01:02:47,819
back to sober Steve tomorrow

1399
01:02:52,789 --> 01:02:49,500
and then I can

1400
01:02:56,150 --> 01:02:52,799
you know get over this uh

1401
01:02:57,710 --> 01:02:56,160
sort of constant I don't know Alcoholics

1402
01:03:00,289 --> 01:02:57,720
Anonymous they call it that the

1403
01:03:01,970 --> 01:03:00,299
obsession with alcohol

1404
01:03:04,730 --> 01:03:01,980
Eddie in any case

1405
01:03:08,630 --> 01:03:04,740
I hate 9 p.m and I hate

1406
01:03:11,450 --> 01:03:08,640
1am leading up to 2 A.M or I hate 8 P.M

1407
01:03:13,250 --> 01:03:11,460
leading to 9 p.m because then I start

1408
01:03:15,470 --> 01:03:13,260
thinking about

1409
01:03:17,809 --> 01:03:15,480
the the bar or excuse me the liquor

1410
01:03:19,069 --> 01:03:17,819
stores and the beer distributors are

1411
01:03:24,309 --> 01:03:19,079
closing soon

1412
01:03:27,609 --> 01:03:24,319
so if you want to break that streak

1413
01:03:30,109 --> 01:03:27,619
you know make no mistake about it total

1414
01:03:32,210 --> 01:03:30,119
abstaining from anything is a form of

1415
01:03:34,670 --> 01:03:32,220
suffering I just have a problem with

1416
01:03:37,010 --> 01:03:34,680
that at between eight and nine pm and

1417
01:03:38,990 --> 01:03:37,020
between 1 and 2 A.M

1418
01:03:40,849 --> 01:03:39,000
I hate that it doesn't happen every

1419
01:03:42,109 --> 01:03:40,859
night but when it does happen I hate it

1420
01:03:44,510 --> 01:03:42,119
because I feel like I'm having an

1421
01:03:47,809 --> 01:03:44,520
argument with myself and I've been close

1422
01:03:49,910 --> 01:03:47,819
I even drove to the to the bar once and

1423
01:03:52,490 --> 01:03:49,920
I sat in my car in front of the bar for

1424
01:03:56,170 --> 01:03:52,500
a good 20 minutes thinking about going

1425
01:03:58,630 --> 01:03:56,180
in and then I thought better of it

1426
01:04:01,130 --> 01:03:58,640
and just drove home

1427
01:04:03,890 --> 01:04:01,140
uh that's the closest that I've come by

1428
01:04:06,289 --> 01:04:03,900
the way to breaking my sober streak

1429
01:04:07,849 --> 01:04:06,299
but I hate those times because I have

1430
01:04:10,190 --> 01:04:07,859
all this anxiety around those times

1431
01:04:14,690 --> 01:04:10,200
again not every night but some nights

1432
01:04:16,730 --> 01:04:14,700
but I will say when 2aam comes I have a

1433
01:04:19,309 --> 01:04:16,740
tremendous sigh of relief because there

1434
01:04:22,150 --> 01:04:19,319
is literally no alcohol anywhere in my

1435
01:04:26,329 --> 01:04:22,160
house believe me I've checked

1436
01:04:28,430 --> 01:04:26,339
at 3am right having a tough time you

1437
01:04:32,150 --> 01:04:28,440
know maybe if I found a bottle

1438
01:04:36,530 --> 01:04:32,160
I didn't find any bottles uh

1439
01:04:39,349 --> 01:04:36,540
so 2 A.M I breathed this when those

1440
01:04:42,470 --> 01:04:39,359
nights happen where I'm struggling I

1441
01:04:45,170 --> 01:04:42,480
have a tremendous uh I feel a tremendous

1442
01:04:47,450 --> 01:04:45,180
sense of relief because there's no

1443
01:04:48,410 --> 01:04:47,460
alcohol in my house and

1444
01:04:50,270 --> 01:04:48,420
um

1445
01:04:51,770 --> 01:04:50,280
there's nobody I know that I can call at

1446
01:04:55,069 --> 01:04:51,780
three o'clock in the morning and borrow

1447
01:04:58,370 --> 01:04:55,079
a bottle from you know so I kind of know

1448
01:05:00,170 --> 01:04:58,380
when that 2 A.M comes like I made it

1449
01:05:02,809 --> 01:05:00,180
another day and I may drink tomorrow

1450
01:05:04,789 --> 01:05:02,819
night but I can't possibly drink tonight

1451
01:05:06,349 --> 01:05:04,799
because everything's closed there's no

1452
01:05:10,430 --> 01:05:06,359
alcohol anywhere near me there's nowhere

1453
01:05:12,890 --> 01:05:10,440
for me to get alcohol you know uh

1454
01:05:14,930 --> 01:05:12,900
so that anxiety around bar and take out

1455
01:05:17,690 --> 01:05:14,940
closing times may continue

1456
01:05:20,990 --> 01:05:17,700
uh but it may lessen in time I'm hopeful

1457
01:05:23,270 --> 01:05:21,000
that it will I've noticed it less I

1458
01:05:26,089 --> 01:05:23,280
guess lately than when I first when I

1459
01:05:28,309 --> 01:05:26,099
first quit I I noticed it almost every

1460
01:05:31,990 --> 01:05:28,319
night or at least every other night now

1461
01:05:35,089 --> 01:05:32,000
once or twice a week maybe

1462
01:05:37,849 --> 01:05:35,099
and I also have anxiety around being

1463
01:05:40,010 --> 01:05:37,859
alone at the cabin

1464
01:05:42,049 --> 01:05:40,020
um I don't know maybe it's just that

1465
01:05:43,069 --> 01:05:42,059
like here with my family I feel like if

1466
01:05:44,930 --> 01:05:43,079
I went and

1467
01:05:47,510 --> 01:05:44,940
picked up that's what they call an

1468
01:05:50,150 --> 01:05:47,520
alcohol Alcoholics Anonymous when you go

1469
01:05:52,250 --> 01:05:50,160
buy alcohol again picking up if I went

1470
01:05:55,789 --> 01:05:52,260
and picked up here at home

1471
01:05:57,950 --> 01:05:55,799
immediately I would feel like a sense of

1472
01:06:01,789 --> 01:05:57,960
letting my family or my wife down but if

1473
01:06:05,150 --> 01:06:01,799
I was by myself I might not

1474
01:06:06,770 --> 01:06:05,160
feel that shame or whatever it is so I

1475
01:06:08,630 --> 01:06:06,780
have a little bit of anxiety about being

1476
01:06:11,030 --> 01:06:08,640
by myself at the cabin while I go there

1477
01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:11,040
on the weekends to work but so far I've

1478
01:06:16,609 --> 01:06:12,980
been pretty good at uh

1479
01:06:18,710 --> 01:06:16,619
not again driving to the bar there and

1480
01:06:21,950 --> 01:06:18,720
picking up alcohol

1481
01:06:23,750 --> 01:06:21,960
so uh again on the negative I've I have

1482
01:06:25,190 --> 01:06:23,760
a note here and this is a negative as

1483
01:06:27,349 --> 01:06:25,200
well as a positive

1484
01:06:29,510 --> 01:06:27,359
this one's on both lists I've been

1485
01:06:31,609 --> 01:06:29,520
forced to face problems no Escape

1486
01:06:34,370 --> 01:06:31,619
anymore and that can be a little

1487
01:06:36,470 --> 01:06:34,380
overwhelming so when you completely

1488
01:06:39,349 --> 01:06:36,480
abstain from alcohol you don't have that

1489
01:06:41,690 --> 01:06:39,359
crutch anymore or that escape I'm forced

1490
01:06:44,390 --> 01:06:41,700
to face problems you know I can't I

1491
01:06:46,849 --> 01:06:44,400
can't I've got nowhere to run when the

1492
01:06:49,789 --> 01:06:46,859
problem pops up I gotta deal with it

1493
01:06:51,710 --> 01:06:49,799
I don't have that escape anymore and

1494
01:06:53,089 --> 01:06:51,720
that does feel a little overwhelming you

1495
01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:53,099
know and I I have a little bit of

1496
01:06:57,289 --> 01:06:55,980
anxiety worrying that some problems are

1497
01:07:00,410 --> 01:06:57,299
going to pop up that are going to be

1498
01:07:03,349 --> 01:07:00,420
bigger than I can handle and I'm gonna

1499
01:07:06,950 --> 01:07:03,359
um you know go back to alcohol to deal

1500
01:07:08,870 --> 01:07:06,960
with some big problem but so far I think

1501
01:07:10,609 --> 01:07:08,880
things have been good I've been pretty

1502
01:07:12,829 --> 01:07:10,619
good at uh

1503
01:07:15,349 --> 01:07:12,839
just dealing with whatever comes my way

1504
01:07:18,230 --> 01:07:15,359
again an Alcoholics Anonymous you're

1505
01:07:19,789 --> 01:07:18,240
taught one day at a time so I just

1506
01:07:22,609 --> 01:07:19,799
handled these things one day at a time

1507
01:07:24,770 --> 01:07:22,619
and do the best I can to deal with

1508
01:07:25,670 --> 01:07:24,780
whatever problems arise one day at a

1509
01:07:29,690 --> 01:07:25,680
time

1510
01:07:31,250 --> 01:07:29,700
uh so that's my list as you notice

1511
01:07:33,410 --> 01:07:31,260
there's an awful lot more on the

1512
01:07:35,750 --> 01:07:33,420
positive side than the negative side and

1513
01:07:37,730 --> 01:07:35,760
the negatives may not be negatives it's

1514
01:07:41,270 --> 01:07:37,740
just I haven't felt

1515
01:07:44,930 --> 01:07:41,280
that they're I haven't found the wisdom

1516
01:07:47,529 --> 01:07:44,940
in those things on my negative list yet

1517
01:07:50,930 --> 01:07:47,539
maybe they're here to teach me something

1518
01:07:53,569 --> 01:07:50,940
uh maybe in time I will see them as a

1519
01:07:55,910 --> 01:07:53,579
positive kind of like this you know uh

1520
01:07:58,430 --> 01:07:55,920
having to face your problems is probably

1521
01:08:00,650 --> 01:07:58,440
a positive I just see it as a negative

1522
01:08:02,390 --> 01:08:00,660
because it sucks I can't drink myself

1523
01:08:06,349 --> 01:08:02,400
into a coma and forget about this

1524
01:08:09,950 --> 01:08:06,359
tonight that sucks for me that sucks I

1525
01:08:12,349 --> 01:08:09,960
hate that and I hate uh not having that

1526
01:08:14,750 --> 01:08:12,359
ability to do that anymore

1527
01:08:17,570 --> 01:08:14,760
but I you know

1528
01:08:18,829 --> 01:08:17,580
I I think this of course is a healthier

1529
01:08:22,789 --> 01:08:18,839
way to be

1530
01:08:24,530 --> 01:08:22,799
so uh tonight's presentation is a bit

1531
01:08:26,689 --> 01:08:24,540
personal but I've done this for the

1532
01:08:29,630 --> 01:08:26,699
benefit of those also struggling with

1533
01:08:31,910 --> 01:08:29,640
addiction or alcohol-related issues I

1534
01:08:34,249 --> 01:08:31,920
hope you found it helpful if you believe

1535
01:08:37,269 --> 01:08:34,259
that you have a problem I do have some

1536
01:08:40,610 --> 01:08:37,279
advice but again seek medical help

1537
01:08:41,209 --> 01:08:40,620
consult a medical professional

1538
01:08:43,910 --> 01:08:41,219
um

1539
01:08:46,910 --> 01:08:43,920
but I I would advise people if they're

1540
01:08:49,610 --> 01:08:46,920
thinking of abstaining from alcohol to

1541
01:08:52,370 --> 01:08:49,620
formulate a plan and set a date to start

1542
01:08:54,470 --> 01:08:52,380
this is what has worked for me I kept

1543
01:08:57,470 --> 01:08:54,480
putting it off in fact I told several

1544
01:09:00,050 --> 01:08:57,480
friends in recovery you know

1545
01:09:02,209 --> 01:09:00,060
um how terrible my life had become I was

1546
01:09:06,530 --> 01:09:02,219
honest with a few people that I know

1547
01:09:08,390 --> 01:09:06,540
were in recovery and uh and

1548
01:09:10,309 --> 01:09:08,400
you know all of them said the same thing

1549
01:09:12,229 --> 01:09:10,319
we'll just put the bot you know put the

1550
01:09:13,490 --> 01:09:12,239
drinks down tomorrow wake up and say

1551
01:09:15,410 --> 01:09:13,500
this is going to be the first day that

1552
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:15,420
I'm gonna be sober and I wasn't willing

1553
01:09:21,229 --> 01:09:17,580
to do that for a while

1554
01:09:23,090 --> 01:09:21,239
I had to formulate a plan and then set a

1555
01:09:24,650 --> 01:09:23,100
date to start

1556
01:09:28,370 --> 01:09:24,660
I knew I was going to be dealing with

1557
01:09:31,669 --> 01:09:28,380
anxiety and uh terrible insomnia because

1558
01:09:34,910 --> 01:09:31,679
the last time I quit drinking totally uh

1559
01:09:36,829 --> 01:09:34,920
years ago had the same issues so

1560
01:09:39,590 --> 01:09:36,839
um I found a qualified medical doctor

1561
01:09:42,289 --> 01:09:39,600
who's familiar with or better yet he

1562
01:09:43,789 --> 01:09:42,299
specializes in addiction medicine as

1563
01:09:46,010 --> 01:09:43,799
well as being you know a general

1564
01:09:49,189 --> 01:09:46,020
practitioner

1565
01:09:51,530 --> 01:09:49,199
um so I would tell you find a medical

1566
01:09:53,870 --> 01:09:51,540
doctor who's familiar with or better yet

1567
01:09:56,229 --> 01:09:53,880
specializes in addiction medicine and

1568
01:09:59,090 --> 01:09:56,239
get yourself as much support as possible

1569
01:10:01,790 --> 01:09:59,100
find resources local to you to help

1570
01:10:04,189 --> 01:10:01,800
there are things like alcohol Alcoholics

1571
01:10:06,890 --> 01:10:04,199
Anonymous or other groups that you may

1572
01:10:10,550 --> 01:10:06,900
find helpful like Narcotics Anonymous

1573
01:10:12,650 --> 01:10:10,560
and these groups are focused on uh sort

1574
01:10:15,950 --> 01:10:12,660
of group therapy and helping you stay on

1575
01:10:17,150 --> 01:10:15,960
track and meet your goals

1576
01:10:19,610 --> 01:10:17,160
um

1577
01:10:21,229 --> 01:10:19,620
I'm still uh a little unsure of

1578
01:10:24,350 --> 01:10:21,239
Alcoholics Anonymous did I find it

1579
01:10:26,689 --> 01:10:24,360
helpful in the beginning I did but

1580
01:10:28,729 --> 01:10:26,699
um lately I'm rethinking it and I'm

1581
01:10:31,669 --> 01:10:28,739
going to less meetings but I still think

1582
01:10:34,209 --> 01:10:31,679
that it is helpful I've met a lot of

1583
01:10:37,729 --> 01:10:34,219
really kind and generous people there

1584
01:10:41,870 --> 01:10:37,739
who struggle with issues similar to my

1585
01:10:43,790 --> 01:10:41,880
own and maybe it is that talking to and

1586
01:10:46,850 --> 01:10:43,800
meeting people that are having similar

1587
01:10:48,169 --> 01:10:46,860
issues that is helpful and you may find

1588
01:10:49,610 --> 01:10:48,179
that helpful

1589
01:11:00,709 --> 01:10:49,620
uh

1590
01:11:03,950 --> 01:11:00,719
undertaking a similar journey and also

1591
01:11:06,649 --> 01:11:03,960
try to find people that have been in

1592
01:11:09,610 --> 01:11:06,659
recovery for a long time they can offer

1593
01:11:12,229 --> 01:11:09,620
a lot of wisdom and help you

1594
01:11:15,890 --> 01:11:12,239
as far as alcoholics anonymous you know

1595
01:11:18,110 --> 01:11:15,900
I'm I'm still doing it uh I'm just but

1596
01:11:19,850 --> 01:11:18,120
I'm struggling with it because

1597
01:11:22,669 --> 01:11:19,860
there's just

1598
01:11:24,649 --> 01:11:22,679
you know things that I'm I'm not quite

1599
01:11:27,530 --> 01:11:24,659
understanding and I've read the whole

1600
01:11:29,689 --> 01:11:27,540
Blue Book and uh but I haven't gotten a

1601
01:11:32,510 --> 01:11:29,699
sponsor until that may be part of my

1602
01:11:35,570 --> 01:11:32,520
problem because a sponsor can help you

1603
01:11:38,090 --> 01:11:35,580
to you know if you have questions about

1604
01:11:40,430 --> 01:11:38,100
the steps or or something that you're

1605
01:11:42,770 --> 01:11:40,440
having issues with or trouble with the

1606
01:11:45,189 --> 01:11:42,780
sponsor can help I haven't done that and

1607
01:11:49,669 --> 01:11:45,199
I'm going to think about doing that

1608
01:11:53,270 --> 01:11:49,679
and maybe I I will gain more clarity

1609
01:11:54,590 --> 01:11:53,280
about the steps and and my I don't want

1610
01:11:56,149 --> 01:11:54,600
to call them problems I don't I don't

1611
01:11:59,030 --> 01:11:56,159
have any problems with Alcoholics

1612
01:12:01,610 --> 01:11:59,040
Anonymous I have a lot of questions and

1613
01:12:04,669 --> 01:12:01,620
things that maybe I don't understand but

1614
01:12:07,790 --> 01:12:04,679
these past 90 days a group very local to

1615
01:12:09,530 --> 01:12:07,800
me has been tremendously helpful uh some

1616
01:12:11,990 --> 01:12:09,540
of them may be watching this they know

1617
01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:12,000
who they are or listening and I want to

1618
01:12:16,250 --> 01:12:13,440
thank each and every one of them for

1619
01:12:20,270 --> 01:12:16,260
sharing their experience I haven't

1620
01:12:22,070 --> 01:12:20,280
shared once uh but I listened and that's

1621
01:12:24,290 --> 01:12:22,080
been helpful to know there's other

1622
01:12:26,330 --> 01:12:24,300
people that struggled with similar

1623
01:12:29,090 --> 01:12:26,340
issues and to hear how they dealt with

1624
01:12:31,550 --> 01:12:29,100
it or how their life has improved has

1625
01:12:34,430 --> 01:12:31,560
been extremely helpful to me

1626
01:12:37,550 --> 01:12:34,440
now everybody keeps asking me what are

1627
01:12:40,070 --> 01:12:37,560
my plans going forward uh because I had

1628
01:12:43,550 --> 01:12:40,080
mentioned that I haven't made a decision

1629
01:12:44,990 --> 01:12:43,560
I haven't and I still haven't I have not

1630
01:12:46,729 --> 01:12:45,000
made a decision that I'm just going to

1631
01:12:48,950 --> 01:12:46,739
quit alcohol forever

1632
01:12:52,310 --> 01:12:48,960
haven't made that decision part of me

1633
01:12:53,330 --> 01:12:52,320
still thinks of uh the Center PATH and

1634
01:12:58,970 --> 01:12:53,340
Buddhism

1635
01:13:02,149 --> 01:12:58,980
often

1636
01:13:03,590 --> 01:13:02,159
advice to take the Middle Road

1637
01:13:06,709 --> 01:13:03,600
and

1638
01:13:14,090 --> 01:13:10,669
complete addiction is the wrong road

1639
01:13:16,550 --> 01:13:14,100
and uh some may argue that completely

1640
01:13:20,090 --> 01:13:16,560
abstaining from something that you like

1641
01:13:22,610 --> 01:13:20,100
or enjoy like alcoholic beverages may

1642
01:13:25,910 --> 01:13:22,620
also be the wrong road and maybe the

1643
01:13:28,610 --> 01:13:25,920
center path is the best for you because

1644
01:13:34,189 --> 01:13:28,620
if you take the Center PATH if I were to

1645
01:13:34,850 --> 01:13:34,199
return to occasional alcohol use

1646
01:13:37,610 --> 01:13:34,860
um

1647
01:13:39,770 --> 01:13:37,620
the first is through this experience I'm

1648
01:13:41,870 --> 01:13:39,780
fairly sure that I would never return to

1649
01:13:45,530 --> 01:13:41,880
a daily drinker

1650
01:13:47,630 --> 01:13:45,540
but addiction can be a strange demon and

1651
01:13:50,630 --> 01:13:47,640
and there's no way to know that for sure

1652
01:13:54,590 --> 01:13:50,640
I'm fairly certain but again these

1653
01:13:57,350 --> 01:13:54,600
things tend to tend to uh

1654
01:14:00,250 --> 01:13:57,360
tend to be able to fool you or you know

1655
01:14:03,110 --> 01:14:00,260
entice you so for all I know

1656
01:14:06,709 --> 01:14:03,120
my thoughts on taking the Center PATH

1657
01:14:08,689 --> 01:14:06,719
being the best for me may just be that

1658
01:14:11,149 --> 01:14:08,699
demon alcohol

1659
01:14:15,169 --> 01:14:11,159
finding a way back in

1660
01:14:17,709 --> 01:14:15,179
and I am a little afraid to uh go

1661
01:14:21,950 --> 01:14:17,719
attempt that Center PATH again because

1662
01:14:23,390 --> 01:14:21,960
for all I know I would start off uh you

1663
01:14:25,490 --> 01:14:23,400
know

1664
01:14:29,030 --> 01:14:25,500
just drinking once a week or

1665
01:14:31,310 --> 01:14:29,040
occasionally at a social function or

1666
01:14:33,830 --> 01:14:31,320
whatever and I would do this with the

1667
01:14:37,729 --> 01:14:33,840
best of intentions so hey maybe I'll

1668
01:14:41,990 --> 01:14:37,739
just drink six beers uh once a week and

1669
01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:42,000
not drink 15 beers a day but my concern

1670
01:14:46,250 --> 01:14:43,739
and worry is that

1671
01:14:47,870 --> 01:14:46,260
I would eventually return to that level

1672
01:14:51,950 --> 01:14:47,880
of consumption

1673
01:14:54,229 --> 01:14:51,960
so for now I have decided to do I'm at

1674
01:14:57,350 --> 01:14:54,239
99 days

1675
01:15:00,290 --> 01:14:57,360
I have decided to do another 75 days

1676
01:15:03,770 --> 01:15:00,300
sober and some people have asked me what

1677
01:15:06,470 --> 01:15:03,780
my plans are so I'm going to tell you I

1678
01:15:09,050 --> 01:15:06,480
will be doing something called 75 hard

1679
01:15:11,090 --> 01:15:09,060
and I don't know exactly when I'm

1680
01:15:13,010 --> 01:15:11,100
beginning the program because there's

1681
01:15:15,590 --> 01:15:13,020
you know

1682
01:15:19,010 --> 01:15:15,600
maybe I'm kicking that can too but it's

1683
01:15:22,490 --> 01:15:19,020
a tough tough Fitness and diet regimen

1684
01:15:25,130 --> 01:15:22,500
called 75 hard you can look it up and

1685
01:15:27,050 --> 01:15:25,140
it's very very popular for people in the

1686
01:15:28,070 --> 01:15:27,060
health and fitness and people trying to

1687
01:15:30,709 --> 01:15:28,080
lose weight

1688
01:15:33,290 --> 01:15:30,719
I may remind the audience that though

1689
01:15:36,290 --> 01:15:33,300
I've lost 10 or 15 pounds I may have

1690
01:15:40,130 --> 01:15:36,300
another 10 or 15 to go

1691
01:15:43,250 --> 01:15:40,140
um uh or 15 Max Maybe 10. and uh it

1692
01:15:45,410 --> 01:15:43,260
seems I've hit a plateau so I'm looking

1693
01:15:47,750 --> 01:15:45,420
for options I did this once before and

1694
01:15:50,149 --> 01:15:47,760
only got halfway through it mostly

1695
01:15:53,209 --> 01:15:50,159
because on this program it's called 75

1696
01:15:55,430 --> 01:15:53,219
hard you can look it up there's certain

1697
01:15:58,370 --> 01:15:55,440
rules the first rule is you cannot

1698
01:16:01,130 --> 01:15:58,380
consume any alcohol for the entire 75

1699
01:16:03,290 --> 01:16:01,140
days so instantly I like this program

1700
01:16:05,930 --> 01:16:03,300
because this will give me another 75

1701
01:16:07,130 --> 01:16:05,940
days of sobriety and maybe after I

1702
01:16:09,530 --> 01:16:07,140
finish this

1703
01:16:12,050 --> 01:16:09,540
then I can decide whether I will

1704
01:16:14,510 --> 01:16:12,060
continue abstaining from alcohol or go

1705
01:16:17,390 --> 01:16:14,520
back to occasional use

1706
01:16:21,649 --> 01:16:17,400
um but the 75 heart is tough I only made

1707
01:16:24,050 --> 01:16:21,659
it 38 days into it last time and I gave

1708
01:16:26,270 --> 01:16:24,060
up because I started drinking so or

1709
01:16:29,090 --> 01:16:26,280
maybe I made it 20 no it was 28 I'm

1710
01:16:30,950 --> 01:16:29,100
sorry I think I made it 28 days and then

1711
01:16:33,050 --> 01:16:30,960
I started drinking

1712
01:16:34,790 --> 01:16:33,060
and and then I was like oh I'll continue

1713
01:16:36,709 --> 01:16:34,800
the program but I'm not going to stop

1714
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:36,719
drinking and then you're just ruining

1715
01:16:40,250 --> 01:16:39,480
you're ruining the whole thing

1716
01:16:43,729 --> 01:16:40,260
um

1717
01:16:47,750 --> 01:16:43,739
so in 75 hard you drink a gallon of

1718
01:16:50,330 --> 01:16:47,760
water a day you pick a sensible healthy

1719
01:16:52,930 --> 01:16:50,340
diet which I'm already on so I'm just

1720
01:16:55,250 --> 01:16:52,940
going to continue that diet that I'm on

1721
01:16:59,570 --> 01:16:55,260
you drink a gallon of water a day

1722
01:17:02,209 --> 01:16:59,580
sensible diet no alcohol you read 10

1723
01:17:04,850 --> 01:17:02,219
minutes a day from a non-fiction book

1724
01:17:08,030 --> 01:17:04,860
and you exercise twice a day for 45

1725
01:17:11,630 --> 01:17:08,040
minutes one of which has to be outside

1726
01:17:14,169 --> 01:17:11,640
rain sleet or snow one of those has to

1727
01:17:17,090 --> 01:17:14,179
be outside for 45 minutes

1728
01:17:20,209 --> 01:17:17,100
you can go look up reviews on YouTube

1729
01:17:23,810 --> 01:17:20,219
for 75 hard and maybe I'll do a separate

1730
01:17:26,390 --> 01:17:23,820
video for this program but uh people are

1731
01:17:28,669 --> 01:17:26,400
getting tremendous results as far as

1732
01:17:32,030 --> 01:17:28,679
their overall health well-being mental

1733
01:17:33,290 --> 01:17:32,040
fortitude mental toughness you know I

1734
01:17:35,209 --> 01:17:33,300
remember when I did it before it was

1735
01:17:37,070 --> 01:17:35,219
right it was a thunderstorm outside it

1736
01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:37,080
was raining like hell and I was still

1737
01:17:42,890 --> 01:17:40,500
gung-ho on finishing this 75 days so I'm

1738
01:17:45,770 --> 01:17:42,900
like no I'm I'm gonna go jog in the rain

1739
01:17:47,750 --> 01:17:45,780
I don't care if it's a thunderstorm and

1740
01:17:50,350 --> 01:17:47,760
it was raining like hell I'd took an

1741
01:17:52,970 --> 01:17:50,360
umbrella and ran my ass for 45 minutes

1742
01:17:55,010 --> 01:17:52,980
and it does there's something about that

1743
01:17:57,110 --> 01:17:55,020
that builds that mental toughness like

1744
01:17:59,330 --> 01:17:57,120
I'm finishing this thing

1745
01:18:01,550 --> 01:17:59,340
I failed the first time but I'm going to

1746
01:18:04,010 --> 01:18:01,560
try again and

1747
01:18:06,050 --> 01:18:04,020
now having already been sober for 99

1748
01:18:08,090 --> 01:18:06,060
days I feel like the abstaining from

1749
01:18:10,970 --> 01:18:08,100
alcohol is going to be

1750
01:18:14,330 --> 01:18:10,980
much easier trying to finish this 75-day

1751
01:18:16,669 --> 01:18:14,340
program so with any luck I will have

1752
01:18:19,130 --> 01:18:16,679
another 75 days sober

1753
01:18:22,010 --> 01:18:19,140
uh going forward and by the way also in

1754
01:18:24,530 --> 01:18:22,020
the 75 hard program if you miss one of

1755
01:18:26,390 --> 01:18:24,540
those exercise days you've got to start

1756
01:18:29,630 --> 01:18:26,400
over so in other words if you're at day

1757
01:18:32,510 --> 01:18:29,640
30 and you screw up and forget to do one

1758
01:18:35,270 --> 01:18:32,520
of the two 45-minute exercise

1759
01:18:37,669 --> 01:18:35,280
uh sessions that day you got to start

1760
01:18:38,810 --> 01:18:37,679
back over at day one if you screw up and

1761
01:18:43,310 --> 01:18:38,820
you drink

1762
01:18:45,950 --> 01:18:43,320
an alcoholic beverage at 35 or 74 days

1763
01:18:49,790 --> 01:18:45,960
you got to start over at day one

1764
01:18:51,770 --> 01:18:49,800
and uh if you miss reading 10 minutes of

1765
01:18:53,510 --> 01:18:51,780
non-fiction if you miss drinking a

1766
01:18:56,270 --> 01:18:53,520
gallon of water that day

1767
01:18:58,370 --> 01:18:56,280
if you fail in any of the rules of this

1768
01:19:00,649 --> 01:18:58,380
75 hard challenge you have to start back

1769
01:19:03,110 --> 01:19:00,659
over at day one and that's very

1770
01:19:04,970 --> 01:19:03,120
motivating right if you're on day 50

1771
01:19:07,610 --> 01:19:04,980
right and you're like I don't really

1772
01:19:10,370 --> 01:19:07,620
feel like doing that 45 minute job or I

1773
01:19:13,250 --> 01:19:10,380
already did one I'm tired no you don't

1774
01:19:15,950 --> 01:19:13,260
want to start all over at day one so

1775
01:19:17,750 --> 01:19:15,960
with any luck friends uh I'm not sure

1776
01:19:20,990 --> 01:19:17,760
when I'm gonna start sometime this week

1777
01:19:23,570 --> 01:19:21,000
I'm going to start this program

1778
01:19:25,970 --> 01:19:23,580
um maybe I'll do it tomorrow I'll start

1779
01:19:30,169 --> 01:19:25,980
because that would mean tomorrow would

1780
01:19:32,930 --> 01:19:30,179
be day 100 of my sobriety and if I do

1781
01:19:37,070 --> 01:19:32,940
seven the 75 hard and complete it that

1782
01:19:39,350 --> 01:19:37,080
will mean I will hit 175 days sober I

1783
01:19:41,030 --> 01:19:39,360
have been slacking on the exercise I've

1784
01:19:42,950 --> 01:19:41,040
been exercising more than I was

1785
01:19:47,169 --> 01:19:42,960
certainly much much more than I was when

1786
01:19:49,610 --> 01:19:47,179
I was drinking but I uh have not

1787
01:19:51,729 --> 01:19:49,620
exercised near as much as I should be

1788
01:19:54,950 --> 01:19:51,739
especially trying to lose

1789
01:19:56,810 --> 01:19:54,960
uh 10 pounds right I've got probably got

1790
01:20:00,110 --> 01:19:56,820
10 pounds to go

1791
01:20:02,090 --> 01:20:00,120
uh so that's my plans I'm gonna do the

1792
01:20:04,010 --> 01:20:02,100
75 hard I encourage all of you to look

1793
01:20:06,110 --> 01:20:04,020
into it maybe if anybody wants to do it

1794
01:20:07,669 --> 01:20:06,120
with me we'll do a panel and talk about

1795
01:20:10,790 --> 01:20:07,679
it

1796
01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:10,800
um and I hope that people will allow me

1797
01:20:15,709 --> 01:20:13,560
the Indulgence of getting off topic and

1798
01:20:19,370 --> 01:20:15,719
talking about things like we talked

1799
01:20:22,790 --> 01:20:19,380
about tonight or this 75 hard program

1800
01:20:26,330 --> 01:20:22,800
and I think that's part of uh you know

1801
01:20:29,810 --> 01:20:26,340
the journey too you have to be healthy

1802
01:20:32,030 --> 01:20:29,820
first and foremost and I feel much

1803
01:20:36,229 --> 01:20:32,040
healthier for this journey

1804
01:20:37,970 --> 01:20:36,239
I hope that my experience May Inspire or

1805
01:20:40,070 --> 01:20:37,980
help anybody out there similarly

1806
01:20:43,250 --> 01:20:40,080
struggling and maybe give you some

1807
01:20:45,410 --> 01:20:43,260
reasons we saw the positives there's so

1808
01:20:48,169 --> 01:20:45,420
many more positives

1809
01:20:52,070 --> 01:20:48,179
to doing this to abstaining from alcohol

1810
01:20:55,610 --> 01:20:52,080
than there is negatives right you know

1811
01:20:57,709 --> 01:20:55,620
the negatives are are so tiny compared

1812
01:20:58,250 --> 01:20:57,719
to the positives

1813
01:21:02,630 --> 01:20:58,260
um

1814
01:21:05,030 --> 01:21:02,640
I'm Gonna Keep it going so my plan is to

1815
01:21:07,430 --> 01:21:05,040
abstain from alcohol for another 75 days

1816
01:21:09,410 --> 01:21:07,440
while I complete this fitness challenge

1817
01:21:12,470 --> 01:21:09,420
I think this is like kicking it up a

1818
01:21:13,550 --> 01:21:12,480
notch now I'm already eating very

1819
01:21:16,310 --> 01:21:13,560
healthy

1820
01:21:20,750 --> 01:21:16,320
and I'm already abstaining from alcohol

1821
01:21:23,990 --> 01:21:20,760
this will add the exercise and will I

1822
01:21:27,709 --> 01:21:24,000
think kick start my or end my Plateau

1823
01:21:29,930 --> 01:21:27,719
here the scale hasn't moved in a while

1824
01:21:32,030 --> 01:21:29,940
um and I think that's just a plateau my

1825
01:21:34,430 --> 01:21:32,040
your I I wasn't aware of this but your

1826
01:21:35,450 --> 01:21:34,440
metabolic rate if you lower your calorie

1827
01:21:38,689 --> 01:21:35,460
intake

1828
01:21:40,970 --> 01:21:38,699
and change your diet your your metabolic

1829
01:21:43,550 --> 01:21:40,980
rate just slows down because your body

1830
01:21:46,370 --> 01:21:43,560
realizes like oh you're not taking in 2

1831
01:21:47,209 --> 01:21:46,380
000 calories of carbs in beer every

1832
01:21:49,729 --> 01:21:47,219
night

1833
01:21:52,430 --> 01:21:49,739
we'll slow everything down and your

1834
01:21:55,610 --> 01:21:52,440
metabolism will slow down and one of the

1835
01:21:58,130 --> 01:21:55,620
ways to ramp it back up again is is

1836
01:22:01,790 --> 01:21:58,140
certainly much more exercise so

1837
01:22:03,890 --> 01:22:01,800
I'm gonna do uh do the 75 hard challenge

1838
01:22:06,050 --> 01:22:03,900
I encourage you to look into it I think

1839
01:22:09,350 --> 01:22:06,060
it is and I love the guy who came up

1840
01:22:10,750 --> 01:22:09,360
with it I think that uh he's like a

1841
01:22:14,090 --> 01:22:10,760
no-nonsense

1842
01:22:18,830 --> 01:22:14,100
you know like he was complaining uh

1843
01:22:21,050 --> 01:22:18,840
about the people who uh who message him

1844
01:22:24,950 --> 01:22:21,060
and say things like and it's Andy

1845
01:22:27,050 --> 01:22:24,960
frisella 75 hard there's a book you can

1846
01:22:29,750 --> 01:22:27,060
get but I've outlined it for you there's

1847
01:22:32,149 --> 01:22:29,760
plenty of Guides Online

1848
01:22:35,090 --> 01:22:32,159
um if you Google what is the 75 hard

1849
01:22:37,310 --> 01:22:35,100
challenge it says absolutely no alcohol

1850
01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:37,320
or cheat meals are allowed it doesn't

1851
01:22:41,810 --> 01:22:39,840
specify what counts as a cheat meal well

1852
01:22:44,090 --> 01:22:41,820
I think we all know that and you're to

1853
01:22:46,310 --> 01:22:44,100
complete two 45-minute workouts per day

1854
01:22:49,790 --> 01:22:46,320
one of them has to be outside no matter

1855
01:22:52,070 --> 01:22:49,800
what the weather drink 4.5 liters or one

1856
01:22:53,990 --> 01:22:52,080
gallon of water each day

1857
01:22:55,490 --> 01:22:54,000
and also you have to take a Daily

1858
01:22:57,410 --> 01:22:55,500
Progress photo

1859
01:23:01,010 --> 01:22:57,420
so uh I'm gonna

1860
01:23:03,050 --> 01:23:01,020
enlist the help of spooky I don't think

1861
01:23:05,390 --> 01:23:03,060
anybody wants to see my spare tire but

1862
01:23:08,689 --> 01:23:05,400
I'm doing this so I'll take a picture

1863
01:23:10,850 --> 01:23:08,699
every day and maybe we'll get spooky to

1864
01:23:13,610 --> 01:23:10,860
animate it and you can see the change

1865
01:23:14,630 --> 01:23:13,620
that I go through for this 75-day period

1866
01:23:17,450 --> 01:23:14,640
right

1867
01:23:19,550 --> 01:23:17,460
uh I think I would love to especially if

1868
01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:19,560
it if it works if it works and I lose

1869
01:23:23,510 --> 01:23:21,840
that spare tire what's left of it I've

1870
01:23:24,350 --> 01:23:23,520
already lost about half of that spare

1871
01:23:26,750 --> 01:23:24,360
tire

1872
01:23:28,790 --> 01:23:26,760
and by the way also with that weight

1873
01:23:30,590 --> 01:23:28,800
loss came a little bit you know I'm

1874
01:23:33,290 --> 01:23:30,600
getting my self-esteem back I'm not

1875
01:23:35,090 --> 01:23:33,300
worried about my gut hanging out or what

1876
01:23:37,610 --> 01:23:35,100
I look like anymore

1877
01:23:40,310 --> 01:23:37,620
or less I'm I'm not worried as much

1878
01:23:42,050 --> 01:23:40,320
because I could see that it's uh and

1879
01:23:44,030 --> 01:23:42,060
people have noticed in my personal life

1880
01:23:46,790 --> 01:23:44,040
that I've lost weight

1881
01:23:49,250 --> 01:23:46,800
you know I just felt like a jab of the

1882
01:23:53,090 --> 01:23:49,260
Hut man I was just drinking and a little

1883
01:23:55,910 --> 01:23:53,100
big freaking fat laying around it wasn't

1884
01:23:58,550 --> 01:23:55,920
good so I'm on a healthier path now

1885
01:24:00,830 --> 01:23:58,560
we're gonna do this so I'm doing it you

1886
01:24:02,750 --> 01:24:00,840
can do it with me let me know what your

1887
01:24:05,390 --> 01:24:02,760
experience and by the way if you have

1888
01:24:08,450 --> 01:24:05,400
done the 75 hard challenge let me know

1889
01:24:10,850 --> 01:24:08,460
in the comments uh what was your results

1890
01:24:11,510 --> 01:24:10,860
would you recommend it

1891
01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:11,520
um

1892
01:24:16,910 --> 01:24:14,159
so that's all I got for you friends but

1893
01:24:19,990 --> 01:24:16,920
we I don't want to ignore the live chat

1894
01:24:26,149 --> 01:24:20,000
and I appreciate everyone indulging me

1895
01:24:28,010 --> 01:24:26,159
views be damned tonight uh we uh took a

1896
01:24:29,750 --> 01:24:28,020
detour and I think that's good and

1897
01:24:32,270 --> 01:24:29,760
that's healthy

1898
01:24:35,450 --> 01:24:32,280
so uh I want to thank each and every one

1899
01:24:37,490 --> 01:24:35,460
of you for uh get letting me get this

1900
01:24:39,410 --> 01:24:37,500
off my chest because I do think it may

1901
01:24:42,050 --> 01:24:39,420
be helpful to others and and it was

1902
01:24:45,709 --> 01:24:42,060
certainly helpful to me to get this out

1903
01:24:48,229 --> 01:24:45,719
of my system and talk about it uh we are

1904
01:24:51,350 --> 01:24:48,239
gonna check in too I'm surprised to see

1905
01:24:53,930 --> 01:24:51,360
I did not expect uh super chats tonight

1906
01:24:56,090 --> 01:24:53,940
because uh

1907
01:24:59,930 --> 01:24:56,100
you know this is not our normal show

1908
01:25:01,910 --> 01:24:59,940
this is uh but what hey uh thank you for

1909
01:25:04,490 --> 01:25:01,920
your for your positive encouragement and

1910
01:25:07,189 --> 01:25:04,500
support so we'll read those super chats

1911
01:25:08,689 --> 01:25:07,199
that we got tonight Lord Ludacris says

1912
01:25:11,330 --> 01:25:08,699
come black congrats on reaching a

1913
01:25:13,189 --> 01:25:11,340
milestone that so many never reach keep

1914
01:25:15,290 --> 01:25:13,199
up the great work and one day at a time

1915
01:25:16,970 --> 01:25:15,300
kind of generous 4.99 Super Chat thank

1916
01:25:19,370 --> 01:25:16,980
you for your kindness generosity and

1917
01:25:21,709 --> 01:25:19,380
support long time show supporter Lord

1918
01:25:25,189 --> 01:25:21,719
Ludacris plaid well it's just Lord

1919
01:25:29,870 --> 01:25:28,250
okay Anthony Peterson with a Kylie

1920
01:25:32,330 --> 01:25:29,880
Jenner's five dollar Super Chat says

1921
01:25:34,310 --> 01:25:32,340
99th day of sobriety

1922
01:25:36,470 --> 01:25:34,320
happy 99th day well thank you Anthony

1923
01:25:38,630 --> 01:25:36,480
for your support encouragement I really

1924
01:25:40,910 --> 01:25:38,640
really appreciate it and then here's

1925
01:25:42,950 --> 01:25:40,920
Sweet Caroline

1926
01:25:44,990 --> 01:25:42,960
long time show supporter and channel

1927
01:25:47,390 --> 01:25:45,000
member

1928
01:25:49,189 --> 01:25:47,400
with the kinings address 999 Super Chat

1929
01:25:51,350 --> 01:25:49,199
says just want you to know how much we

1930
01:25:53,510 --> 01:25:51,360
love and care for you you're doing a

1931
01:25:56,209 --> 01:25:53,520
fantastic job at this taking it one day

1932
01:25:59,450 --> 01:25:56,219
at a time well thank you sweet Caroline

1933
01:26:01,250 --> 01:25:59,460
and you know uh that's probably one of

1934
01:26:03,050 --> 01:26:01,260
the things that I have anxiety about is

1935
01:26:05,510 --> 01:26:03,060
I feel like if I go back to drinking

1936
01:26:07,310 --> 01:26:05,520
even if I just occasionally drink I'll

1937
01:26:10,370 --> 01:26:07,320
feel like maybe I'm letting people down

1938
01:26:13,250 --> 01:26:10,380
or something it's weird

1939
01:26:15,709 --> 01:26:13,260
um but I do thank you for your kindness

1940
01:26:17,510 --> 01:26:15,719
uh and that's something that I've been

1941
01:26:20,090 --> 01:26:17,520
working on one day at a time you just

1942
01:26:22,010 --> 01:26:20,100
take one day deal with whatever's going

1943
01:26:23,689 --> 01:26:22,020
on in that one day and you get on to the

1944
01:26:26,030 --> 01:26:23,699
90.

1945
01:26:27,890 --> 01:26:26,040
Tanya Hilliard with the Kylie Jenner's

1946
01:26:30,290 --> 01:26:27,900
ten dollars says congratulations on 90

1947
01:26:32,209 --> 01:26:30,300
days I know it wasn't easy but you made

1948
01:26:33,950 --> 01:26:32,219
it this far and you are amazing enjoy

1949
01:26:36,770 --> 01:26:33,960
your show well thank you Tanya for your

1950
01:26:38,930 --> 01:26:36,780
kindness generosity and support we

1951
01:26:40,490 --> 01:26:38,940
appreciate your kindness generosity and

1952
01:26:42,649 --> 01:26:40,500
support and I appreciate everybody's

1953
01:26:46,010 --> 01:26:42,659
kind words and encouragement

1954
01:26:47,390 --> 01:26:46,020
uh I thought I saw another one maybe I

1955
01:26:49,610 --> 01:26:47,400
missed

1956
01:26:53,450 --> 01:26:49,620
I don't know why that list is not

1957
01:26:58,129 --> 01:26:56,030
oh no I guess we got them all okay so

1958
01:27:00,790 --> 01:26:58,139
great so thank thanks to everybody for

1959
01:27:03,410 --> 01:27:00,800
your kindness generosity and support now

1960
01:27:05,689 --> 01:27:03,420
uh and Sweet Caroline says we love you

1961
01:27:10,129 --> 01:27:05,699
Stephen right back at you sweet Caroline

1962
01:27:12,770 --> 01:27:10,139
I appreciate it uh so I am going to take

1963
01:27:14,750 --> 01:27:12,780
a uh I am going to take

1964
01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:14,760
comments and questions from the live

1965
01:27:17,330 --> 01:27:16,260
chat so if you have any comments or

1966
01:27:19,729 --> 01:27:17,340
questions and they could be about

1967
01:27:24,590 --> 01:27:19,739
anything not just about tonight's topic

1968
01:27:27,410 --> 01:27:24,600
which I agree was uh off topic for us

1969
01:27:30,229 --> 01:27:27,420
uh crypto Alchemist 90 days two

1970
01:27:33,470 --> 01:27:30,239
Saturdays ago so that would mean 99 days

1971
01:27:35,810 --> 01:27:33,480
total thank you for uh for recognizing

1972
01:27:38,149 --> 01:27:35,820
that and for your question any questions

1973
01:27:41,510 --> 01:27:38,159
for me put them in all capital layer

1974
01:27:44,030 --> 01:27:41,520
letters or comments and we'll be sharing

1975
01:27:46,129 --> 01:27:44,040
your comments or questions Loco Moco

1976
01:27:48,770 --> 01:27:46,139
says just know you're not alone new sub

1977
01:27:52,070 --> 01:27:48,780
99 days and going stay strong brother

1978
01:27:55,370 --> 01:27:52,080
P.S you know we can't do occasional

1979
01:27:57,649 --> 01:27:55,380
I know and uh I'm trying to make my

1980
01:27:59,750 --> 01:27:57,659
peace with that Loco Moco and I'm having

1981
01:28:01,910 --> 01:27:59,760
that I'm having a real hard time with

1982
01:28:04,430 --> 01:28:01,920
that that's why they tell you to do one

1983
01:28:08,930 --> 01:28:04,440
day at a time because the thought of

1984
01:28:11,689 --> 01:28:08,940
okay I'm gonna quit alcohol forever is

1985
01:28:15,169 --> 01:28:11,699
overwhelming to me it's it's it's too

1986
01:28:17,450 --> 01:28:15,179
much to to think about forever so maybe

1987
01:28:20,750 --> 01:28:17,460
it is right to just focus on one day at

1988
01:28:23,510 --> 01:28:20,760
a time and not worry about forever Loco

1989
01:28:25,910 --> 01:28:23,520
Moco also says bloated yeah I was a

1990
01:28:28,370 --> 01:28:25,920
bloated Jabba the Hutt mess and the

1991
01:28:31,610 --> 01:28:28,380
thought of becoming fat Vince Neil to me

1992
01:28:33,770 --> 01:28:31,620
was really terrible like I literally

1993
01:28:35,090 --> 01:28:33,780
would think a fat Vince Neil when I was

1994
01:28:38,450 --> 01:28:35,100
looking in the mirror and seeing this

1995
01:28:40,550 --> 01:28:38,460
gut coming on me you know or uh or like

1996
01:28:42,830 --> 01:28:40,560
if you saw The Doors movie that fat Jim

1997
01:28:45,770 --> 01:28:42,840
Morrison when he got all big and fat and

1998
01:28:48,229 --> 01:28:45,780
gross that's what I was feeling like and

1999
01:28:50,090 --> 01:28:48,239
and listen I hate to be shallow it

2000
01:28:51,950 --> 01:28:50,100
sounds shallow like really everything

2001
01:28:55,010 --> 01:28:51,960
that's going on you're an addict your

2002
01:28:56,870 --> 01:28:55,020
drinking 15 or 20 beers a day and you're

2003
01:28:58,669 --> 01:28:56,880
worried about your

2004
01:29:01,490 --> 01:28:58,679
appearance

2005
01:29:03,169 --> 01:29:01,500
yeah I guess I was you know but that was

2006
01:29:04,310 --> 01:29:03,179
the least of it that really was the

2007
01:29:07,850 --> 01:29:04,320
least of it

2008
01:29:09,410 --> 01:29:07,860
B Baker says mike that milk thistle and

2009
01:29:12,229 --> 01:29:09,420
other health food supplements can help

2010
01:29:13,490 --> 01:29:12,239
restore your liver go to one they will

2011
01:29:16,370 --> 01:29:13,500
get you

2012
01:29:18,649 --> 01:29:16,380
on that has a good mix of stuff yeah I'm

2013
01:29:21,470 --> 01:29:18,659
looking into supplements now I wanted to

2014
01:29:23,209 --> 01:29:21,480
stick with as much healthy food as

2015
01:29:25,669 --> 01:29:23,219
possible and not worry so much about

2016
01:29:27,470 --> 01:29:25,679
supplements though I did on the advice

2017
01:29:29,810 --> 01:29:27,480
of my doctor he gave me a vitamin D

2018
01:29:31,729 --> 01:29:29,820
prescription I was severely deficient in

2019
01:29:33,830 --> 01:29:31,739
vitamin D

2020
01:29:36,770 --> 01:29:33,840
and uh

2021
01:29:40,010 --> 01:29:36,780
so I got a prescription for that and I'm

2022
01:29:42,830 --> 01:29:40,020
taking a big heaping

2023
01:29:44,390 --> 01:29:42,840
vitamin D supplement but other than that

2024
01:29:47,090 --> 01:29:44,400
I've just been healthy eating and I've

2025
01:29:49,010 --> 01:29:47,100
discovered a few things like I really

2026
01:29:51,709 --> 01:29:49,020
like certain vegetables that I never

2027
01:29:54,890 --> 01:29:51,719
knew I liked like zucchini I never ate

2028
01:29:56,450 --> 01:29:54,900
zucchini I mean zucchini now

2029
01:29:58,610 --> 01:29:56,460
um on the diet that I'm on you really

2030
01:30:02,030 --> 01:29:58,620
got to try to fill up you can't eat

2031
01:30:05,990 --> 01:30:02,040
potatoes I can't eat pasta potatoes

2032
01:30:07,669 --> 01:30:06,000
Rices even corn I can't eat so all the

2033
01:30:11,090 --> 01:30:07,679
vegetables that I can eat leafy green

2034
01:30:14,090 --> 01:30:11,100
spinach broccoli zucchini cucumbers

2035
01:30:16,430 --> 01:30:14,100
whatever I can eat I'm loading up on and

2036
01:30:18,410 --> 01:30:16,440
that's the good part about the diet that

2037
01:30:21,830 --> 01:30:18,420
I'm on B Baker I don't have to limit

2038
01:30:25,250 --> 01:30:21,840
calories or I could eat whatever I want

2039
01:30:27,709 --> 01:30:25,260
out of the things I'm allowed to eat

2040
01:30:30,350 --> 01:30:27,719
so so far it's worth it's worth yeah B

2041
01:30:32,629 --> 01:30:30,360
Baker fat Vince Neil is a thing yeah you

2042
01:30:34,430 --> 01:30:32,639
don't want to become fat Vince Neil

2043
01:30:36,590 --> 01:30:34,440
right

2044
01:30:38,030 --> 01:30:36,600
Sweet Caroline said even if you did miss

2045
01:30:39,709 --> 01:30:38,040
a game it's okay because we're all human

2046
01:30:43,669 --> 01:30:39,719
and we make mistakes so don't be harder

2047
01:30:46,490 --> 01:30:43,679
yourself we all f up yeah uh archaic

2048
01:30:48,649 --> 01:30:46,500
revival says zucchini rock yeah I got

2049
01:30:51,590 --> 01:30:48,659
I'm getting a I don't have a spiralizer

2050
01:30:53,950 --> 01:30:51,600
and uh I just been eating them sliced up

2051
01:30:58,070 --> 01:30:53,960
and a little bit of olive oil and butter

2052
01:31:00,470 --> 01:30:58,080
and uh some good spices salt pepper and

2053
01:31:01,729 --> 01:31:00,480
a little bit of other spice I think I

2054
01:31:03,950 --> 01:31:01,739
don't know what it's I have some kind of

2055
01:31:06,110 --> 01:31:03,960
garden herb and vegetable spice you put

2056
01:31:08,870 --> 01:31:06,120
on vegetables pretty good

2057
01:31:11,810 --> 01:31:08,880
today we had uh carrots and zucchini

2058
01:31:13,610 --> 01:31:11,820
mixed it's kind of like that carrots and

2059
01:31:15,950 --> 01:31:13,620
broccoli mix but zucchini instead of

2060
01:31:17,090 --> 01:31:15,960
brown I don't know it was good oh and

2061
01:31:19,330 --> 01:31:17,100
the other thing that I've been eating

2062
01:31:21,890 --> 01:31:19,340
that I never thought I would eat is is

2063
01:31:24,649 --> 01:31:21,900
cauliflowered rice

2064
01:31:27,950 --> 01:31:24,659
I I never liked cauliflower but somehow

2065
01:31:30,050 --> 01:31:27,960
if you grind it up and put salsa on it

2066
01:31:31,810 --> 01:31:30,060
it's okay I've been eating these healthy

2067
01:31:37,010 --> 01:31:31,820
bowls that have like

2068
01:31:40,550 --> 01:31:37,020
sausage peppers onions spinach and riced

2069
01:31:42,229 --> 01:31:40,560
cauliflower not bad pretty good oh and I

2070
01:31:43,790 --> 01:31:42,239
did lie when I said I didn't have any

2071
01:31:46,370 --> 01:31:43,800
processed food

2072
01:31:49,370 --> 01:31:46,380
I did I had three quarters of a frozen

2073
01:31:53,270 --> 01:31:49,380
pizza once in about 85 days I think

2074
01:31:56,750 --> 01:31:53,280
that's okay one time oh and I I did eat

2075
01:31:59,030 --> 01:31:56,760
two pieces of pizza from a pizza place

2076
01:32:01,669 --> 01:31:59,040
but other than that by the way last

2077
01:32:04,129 --> 01:32:01,679
Saturday at the cabin I ate a

2078
01:32:05,270 --> 01:32:04,139
cauliflower crust pizza which turned out

2079
01:32:08,090 --> 01:32:05,280
to be

2080
01:32:10,729 --> 01:32:08,100
almost acceptable but I screwed up and I

2081
01:32:13,250 --> 01:32:10,739
bought a cauliflower crust pizza

2082
01:32:16,010 --> 01:32:13,260
with pepperoni and sausage but it was

2083
01:32:18,290 --> 01:32:16,020
fake it was fake vegetarian pepperoni

2084
01:32:21,530 --> 01:32:18,300
and sausage and that kind of ruined it

2085
01:32:23,510 --> 01:32:21,540
for me uh the crust was fine so I've

2086
01:32:25,250 --> 01:32:23,520
learned I can deal with cauliflower

2087
01:32:27,790 --> 01:32:25,260
crust pizza but you got to put real

2088
01:32:31,850 --> 01:32:27,800
toppings on it bacon

2089
01:32:33,110 --> 01:32:31,860
bacon sausage you know ground meat uh

2090
01:32:37,850 --> 01:32:33,120
pepperoni

2091
01:32:40,610 --> 01:32:37,860
uh yeah mushrooms you know I don't know

2092
01:32:43,790 --> 01:32:40,620
I got a like a vegetarian one

2093
01:32:45,770 --> 01:32:43,800
and the the crust was fake I guess the

2094
01:32:47,830 --> 01:32:45,780
sauce was real the cheese was real but

2095
01:32:51,530 --> 01:32:47,840
the pepperoni and the sausage were gross

2096
01:32:54,169 --> 01:32:51,540
uh vegetarian sausage vegetarian

2097
01:32:56,030 --> 01:32:54,179
pepperoni no I think that pizza would

2098
01:32:58,430 --> 01:32:56,040
have been delicious and completely

2099
01:33:01,729 --> 01:32:58,440
acceptable just felt like

2100
01:33:02,810 --> 01:33:01,739
like thin crust pizza right it was like

2101
01:33:06,050 --> 01:33:02,820
crispy

2102
01:33:08,450 --> 01:33:06,060
the crust was fine it was just the rest

2103
01:33:11,090 --> 01:33:08,460
of it was too much fake if you're gonna

2104
01:33:13,790 --> 01:33:11,100
have pizza only one thing can be fake

2105
01:33:16,310 --> 01:33:13,800
the crust is fake everything else has to

2106
01:33:19,490 --> 01:33:16,320
be real real cheese real sauce real meat

2107
01:33:22,729 --> 01:33:19,500
then I so I'm gonna try that next

2108
01:33:24,770 --> 01:33:22,739
otherwise uh yeah archaic revival don't

2109
01:33:26,870 --> 01:33:24,780
overlook Sprouts a lot of people told me

2110
01:33:29,450 --> 01:33:26,880
about Sprouts I've never been a fan

2111
01:33:33,709 --> 01:33:31,550
Tom Whitmore says I'll have 20 years

2112
01:33:35,870 --> 01:33:33,719
into in December contact me and I can

2113
01:33:38,629 --> 01:33:35,880
help you thanks Tom you can email me at

2114
01:33:40,850 --> 01:33:38,639
true seekershow gmail.com I'm gonna put

2115
01:33:43,129 --> 01:33:40,860
my email address up there

2116
01:33:45,770 --> 01:33:43,139
uh

2117
01:33:50,270 --> 01:33:45,780
oh one second let me see if I can find

2118
01:33:54,950 --> 01:33:52,550
where is that at

2119
01:33:58,250 --> 01:33:54,960
from here it is here's our show

2120
01:34:00,050 --> 01:33:58,260
email address feel free to email me uh I

2121
01:34:01,189 --> 01:34:00,060
could use people like you to give me

2122
01:34:03,830 --> 01:34:01,199
some advice

2123
01:34:06,110 --> 01:34:03,840
uh that might be very helpful so

2124
01:34:07,790 --> 01:34:06,120
questions or comments for me

2125
01:34:09,890 --> 01:34:07,800
uh please put them in all capital

2126
01:34:12,890 --> 01:34:09,900
letters our cake Revival will I ever

2127
01:34:15,229 --> 01:34:12,900
know true love well I love you you know

2128
01:34:16,790 --> 01:34:15,239
not to steal from another show host but

2129
01:34:19,370 --> 01:34:16,800
if nobody told you they loved you today

2130
01:34:20,990 --> 01:34:19,380
archaic revival I just did

2131
01:34:23,510 --> 01:34:21,000
so uh

2132
01:34:25,970 --> 01:34:23,520
true love I I don't know you know I I've

2133
01:34:27,110 --> 01:34:25,980
been very fortunate I I found my wife a

2134
01:34:30,050 --> 01:34:27,120
long time ago

2135
01:34:32,450 --> 01:34:30,060
and uh

2136
01:34:34,910 --> 01:34:32,460
I I was lucky to find her

2137
01:34:38,390 --> 01:34:34,920
but I believe that there is someone for

2138
01:34:40,610 --> 01:34:38,400
everyone you just gotta look more right

2139
01:34:41,870 --> 01:34:40,620
mysterious moon basis says I've been

2140
01:34:43,490 --> 01:34:41,880
through it all brother if you need

2141
01:34:46,310 --> 01:34:43,500
anything you know where to find me well

2142
01:34:47,930 --> 01:34:46,320
I appreciate that I appreciate your uh

2143
01:34:49,850 --> 01:34:47,940
willingness to share and I appreciate

2144
01:34:50,990 --> 01:34:49,860
everybody's willingness to share I got a

2145
01:34:55,310 --> 01:34:51,000
few people that know a lot about

2146
01:34:58,669 --> 01:34:55,320
nutrition helping me in email as well

2147
01:35:00,110 --> 01:34:58,679
we have Road stub s Channel member thank

2148
01:35:02,689 --> 01:35:00,120
you for being a channel member says

2149
01:35:05,090 --> 01:35:02,699
meditation four times a day well that's

2150
01:35:08,209 --> 01:35:05,100
a little extreme honestly I'm settling

2151
01:35:10,669 --> 01:35:08,219
for once a day right now uh Road stub

2152
01:35:12,350 --> 01:35:10,679
and even sometimes then I get busy and

2153
01:35:16,250 --> 01:35:12,360
forget

2154
01:35:19,550 --> 01:35:16,260
um I'm trying to spend more time doing

2155
01:35:21,709 --> 01:35:19,560
that I do at the cabin now have a place

2156
01:35:22,490 --> 01:35:21,719
to meditate for the first time really my

2157
01:35:24,770 --> 01:35:22,500
life

2158
01:35:26,750 --> 01:35:24,780
I have a dedicated space for that in the

2159
01:35:30,590 --> 01:35:26,760
sun room I've even got a Buddha statue

2160
01:35:33,350 --> 01:35:30,600
I've got a mat everything and it's

2161
01:35:36,189 --> 01:35:33,360
inspiring to meditate there so I'm

2162
01:35:38,870 --> 01:35:36,199
hoping that'll increase my

2163
01:35:42,410 --> 01:35:38,880
I'll do more meditating now that I have

2164
01:35:44,390 --> 01:35:42,420
a place dedicated to do that road stub s

2165
01:35:46,930 --> 01:35:44,400
also says grow a vegetable garden well

2166
01:35:49,910 --> 01:35:46,940
we're heading into October here

2167
01:35:52,370 --> 01:35:49,920
uh but I do plan on doing that in the

2168
01:35:54,709 --> 01:35:52,380
spring I had a vegetable garden in the

2169
01:35:57,649 --> 01:35:54,719
city uh raised bed garden and we got

2170
01:36:01,149 --> 01:35:57,659
tons of food out of there and I enjoyed

2171
01:36:05,330 --> 01:36:01,159
spending the time doing it and I enjoyed

2172
01:36:07,070 --> 01:36:05,340
uh eating the food and certainly growing

2173
01:36:09,830 --> 01:36:07,080
your own food is healthier than buying

2174
01:36:13,729 --> 01:36:09,840
your own food because we did all organic

2175
01:36:17,870 --> 01:36:13,739
no fertilizers no pesticides no GMOs

2176
01:36:19,970 --> 01:36:17,880
just Heirloom Seeds grown from seeds

2177
01:36:22,189 --> 01:36:19,980
mostly and then put into the container

2178
01:36:25,189 --> 01:36:22,199
garden that we had not container raised

2179
01:36:26,570 --> 01:36:25,199
bed garden I loved it I'm planting a

2180
01:36:28,490 --> 01:36:26,580
garden at the cabin but there's some

2181
01:36:29,270 --> 01:36:28,500
obstacles to that and we're going to try

2182
01:36:31,430 --> 01:36:29,280
to

2183
01:36:33,229 --> 01:36:31,440
get over those obstacles most of which

2184
01:36:35,570 --> 01:36:33,239
is there's no soil it's in the mountains

2185
01:36:39,229 --> 01:36:35,580
it's all rocks

2186
01:36:43,550 --> 01:36:41,390
yeah I agree and that's why we call this

2187
01:36:45,709 --> 01:36:43,560
the alcohol Diaries because I've taken

2188
01:36:48,410 --> 01:36:45,719
things out of my journal that I put into

2189
01:36:53,450 --> 01:36:48,420
my notes for tonight

2190
01:36:57,290 --> 01:36:55,490
Carol Powell says well done Stephen

2191
01:36:58,970 --> 01:36:57,300
Moore power to you what you've achieved

2192
01:37:01,610 --> 01:36:58,980
is Starlight plus you look really fresh

2193
01:37:04,129 --> 01:37:01,620
too glowing for sure well let's hope I'm

2194
01:37:06,890 --> 01:37:04,139
not pregnant Carol Powell but uh yeah

2195
01:37:09,890 --> 01:37:06,900
people have to notice they they notice

2196
01:37:12,590 --> 01:37:09,900
that I appear healthier and and that's

2197
01:37:14,030 --> 01:37:12,600
good right archaic revival says sober is

2198
01:37:16,010 --> 01:37:14,040
fine more connected with nature and

2199
01:37:18,410 --> 01:37:16,020
you're not missing anything by being

2200
01:37:20,330 --> 01:37:18,420
sober drugs don't equal good time I'm

2201
01:37:22,610 --> 01:37:20,340
learning that yeah

2202
01:37:24,290 --> 01:37:22,620
Loco mocos is walking hiking in the

2203
01:37:27,890 --> 01:37:24,300
elements grounds me it really helps with

2204
01:37:30,350 --> 01:37:27,900
the Cravings it's empowering yeah

2205
01:37:34,970 --> 01:37:30,360
Tyler Durden says you look a lot

2206
01:37:36,470 --> 01:37:34,980
healthier I'm glad I feel a lot better

2207
01:37:38,750 --> 01:37:36,480
Martin Wright if you ever need a friend

2208
01:37:41,030 --> 01:37:38,760
I'm here well thank you for that I

2209
01:37:43,790 --> 01:37:41,040
appreciate your kindness and generosity

2210
01:37:46,850 --> 01:37:43,800
and willingness to help a fellow man

2211
01:37:52,570 --> 01:37:49,010
Loco Moco says sounds like a plan

2212
01:37:58,430 --> 01:37:55,910
yes for those just joining us tonight we

2213
01:38:02,330 --> 01:37:58,440
did a discussion on quitting alcohol I

2214
01:38:04,430 --> 01:38:02,340
have not had alcohol for 99 days and my

2215
01:38:06,649 --> 01:38:04,440
plan going forward is to do a fitness

2216
01:38:08,750 --> 01:38:06,659
program called 75 hard you can look it

2217
01:38:11,870 --> 01:38:08,760
up where you have no alcohol

2218
01:38:14,990 --> 01:38:11,880
uh a sensible diet no cheat meals you

2219
01:38:18,229 --> 01:38:15,000
drink a gallon of uh

2220
01:38:20,629 --> 01:38:18,239
a gallon of water every day and exercise

2221
01:38:23,030 --> 01:38:20,639
twice a day for 45 minutes in one of

2222
01:38:25,490 --> 01:38:23,040
those uh exercise sessions must be

2223
01:38:28,010 --> 01:38:25,500
outside you take a picture every day and

2224
01:38:29,870 --> 01:38:28,020
read 10 minutes of non-fiction I'm going

2225
01:38:33,050 --> 01:38:29,880
to be reading self-help books because I

2226
01:38:35,030 --> 01:38:33,060
need all the help I can get and

2227
01:38:37,729 --> 01:38:35,040
I suddenly remembered that I have some

2228
01:38:40,610 --> 01:38:37,739
Tony Robbins books I've never read and

2229
01:38:42,709 --> 01:38:40,620
regardless of anything that anybody has

2230
01:38:44,689 --> 01:38:42,719
to say about Tony Robbins I do think

2231
01:38:47,209 --> 01:38:44,699
that he's sort of inspirational and it

2232
01:38:49,430 --> 01:38:47,219
gets you motivated to uh get some things

2233
01:38:51,830 --> 01:38:49,440
done so that's what I'm planning on

2234
01:38:54,110 --> 01:38:51,840
reading or maybe some history books or

2235
01:38:56,510 --> 01:38:54,120
biographies uh

2236
01:39:00,370 --> 01:38:56,520
John 7 says proud of you well thank you

2237
01:39:05,149 --> 01:39:03,649
fried zucchini is heaven yeah I'm just

2238
01:39:08,750 --> 01:39:05,159
putting it in Pam a little bit of olive

2239
01:39:11,270 --> 01:39:08,760
oil and some seasoning it's much better

2240
01:39:13,669 --> 01:39:11,280
I didn't even realize that I like

2241
01:39:14,930 --> 01:39:13,679
zucchini I did have zucchini noodles

2242
01:39:16,550 --> 01:39:14,940
before

2243
01:39:19,729 --> 01:39:16,560
when I was trying to lose weight the

2244
01:39:21,830 --> 01:39:19,739
last time I was on a low carb diet but

2245
01:39:26,030 --> 01:39:21,840
you know what's interesting is that

2246
01:39:28,669 --> 01:39:26,040
I uh yeah our cake Revival I got a sun

2247
01:39:30,590 --> 01:39:28,679
room I have a greenhouse room at the

2248
01:39:33,590 --> 01:39:30,600
cabin so that might be you never know

2249
01:39:37,490 --> 01:39:35,810
our cake Revival vitamin D is obtained

2250
01:39:39,110 --> 01:39:37,500
from sunlight no need to supplement

2251
01:39:40,970 --> 01:39:39,120
usually yeah I'm trying to get outside

2252
01:39:42,770 --> 01:39:40,980
in order to get that natural vitamin D

2253
01:39:44,689 --> 01:39:42,780
but on the advice of a doctor I was

2254
01:39:46,729 --> 01:39:44,699
severely vitamin D deficient and he

2255
01:39:48,070 --> 01:39:46,739
thinks that could be because during the

2256
01:39:50,450 --> 01:39:48,080
pandemic

2257
01:39:52,250 --> 01:39:50,460
one thing that I did do right I guess

2258
01:39:54,229 --> 01:39:52,260
besides drink trying to drink myself

2259
01:39:56,270 --> 01:39:54,239
into a coma is I was taking all these

2260
01:39:57,770 --> 01:39:56,280
supplements I was taking a lot of

2261
01:40:00,169 --> 01:39:57,780
Vitamin D supplements and then I just

2262
01:40:02,030 --> 01:40:00,179
stopped that and my body might have

2263
01:40:03,950 --> 01:40:02,040
stopped naturally producing it as much

2264
01:40:05,030 --> 01:40:03,960
because it was used to the supplement I

2265
01:40:07,669 --> 01:40:05,040
don't know

2266
01:40:11,270 --> 01:40:07,679
I'm going to take the supplement

2267
01:40:13,490 --> 01:40:11,280
um I like my doctor a good good guy and

2268
01:40:14,990 --> 01:40:13,500
and gave me a lot of good advice and he

2269
01:40:17,330 --> 01:40:15,000
uh

2270
01:40:19,310 --> 01:40:17,340
yeah fraps up

2271
01:40:21,290 --> 01:40:19,320
a Buddha statue I thought you were a

2272
01:40:24,350 --> 01:40:21,300
Christian actually to anybody who asked

2273
01:40:27,169 --> 01:40:24,360
me about my religion I tell them that I

2274
01:40:30,290 --> 01:40:27,179
am both I would like to consider myself

2275
01:40:32,629 --> 01:40:30,300
a Buddhist and a Christian and I think

2276
01:40:34,310 --> 01:40:32,639
that you can be both and I believe that

2277
01:40:37,129 --> 01:40:34,320
being a Christian made me a better

2278
01:40:40,129 --> 01:40:37,139
Buddhist and being into Buddhism or a

2279
01:40:43,010 --> 01:40:40,139
Buddhist made me a better Christian

2280
01:40:45,770 --> 01:40:43,020
um I really enjoy the meditative

2281
01:40:47,450 --> 01:40:45,780
practices and I don't think you know

2282
01:40:49,310 --> 01:40:47,460
growing up I was Catholic they would

2283
01:40:51,830 --> 01:40:49,320
tell you oh no that's from the devil you

2284
01:40:54,350 --> 01:40:51,840
can't meditate because I think it's a

2285
01:40:57,290 --> 01:40:54,360
control form they don't want to lose you

2286
01:41:00,709 --> 01:40:57,300
to a Buddhist uh

2287
01:41:03,110 --> 01:41:00,719
organization or you know

2288
01:41:05,930 --> 01:41:03,120
I was told that you couldn't be both

2289
01:41:06,970 --> 01:41:05,940
growing up and after a while you throw

2290
01:41:10,850 --> 01:41:06,980
away

2291
01:41:12,050 --> 01:41:10,860
old dogma and old belief systems and

2292
01:41:14,689 --> 01:41:12,060
form your own

2293
01:41:17,510 --> 01:41:14,699
I actually have what I call frap sap the

2294
01:41:20,030 --> 01:41:17,520
Jeet Kune doe School of spirituality I

2295
01:41:21,770 --> 01:41:20,040
take what works and I leave the rest so

2296
01:41:24,410 --> 01:41:21,780
whatever works for me meditation works

2297
01:41:26,810 --> 01:41:24,420
for me and if a priest or a Christian

2298
01:41:28,910 --> 01:41:26,820
minister tells me I can't do that I'm

2299
01:41:31,310 --> 01:41:28,920
not interested in what he has to say

2300
01:41:34,729 --> 01:41:31,320
because I have seen the benefits of

2301
01:41:37,370 --> 01:41:34,739
meditation in my life and studying uh

2302
01:41:39,709 --> 01:41:37,380
Buddhist scripture and texts and

2303
01:41:40,669 --> 01:41:39,719
philosophies has tremendously benefited

2304
01:41:43,250 --> 01:41:40,679
me

2305
01:41:45,890 --> 01:41:43,260
I think it's okay to be both or to be

2306
01:41:47,870 --> 01:41:45,900
interested in both to try to be to

2307
01:41:50,270 --> 01:41:47,880
follow both

2308
01:41:51,950 --> 01:41:50,280
um and again I subscribe to the Bruce

2309
01:41:54,410 --> 01:41:51,960
Lee you know take what works and leave

2310
01:41:58,550 --> 01:41:54,420
the rest so for me meditation has been

2311
01:42:00,770 --> 01:41:58,560
helpful I try to do that and also uh you

2312
01:42:03,590 --> 01:42:00,780
know being a Christian I

2313
01:42:06,410 --> 01:42:03,600
but I'm human I'm attempting both

2314
01:42:07,850 --> 01:42:06,420
uh and maybe doing my own version of

2315
01:42:09,290 --> 01:42:07,860
both right

2316
01:42:11,149 --> 01:42:09,300
glad you've done this show tonight

2317
01:42:13,370 --> 01:42:11,159
thanks Steve and that's from Steve Ronan

2318
01:42:16,850 --> 01:42:13,380
longtime show supporter good good to see

2319
01:42:20,030 --> 01:42:16,860
you here and thank you for being here

2320
01:42:23,090 --> 01:42:20,040
uh there is Christian meditation yes and

2321
01:42:26,810 --> 01:42:23,100
uh there is also Christian prayer which

2322
01:42:29,510 --> 01:42:26,820
is a form of meditation and I also like

2323
01:42:31,550 --> 01:42:29,520
the rosary Patty Wilhelm I find that

2324
01:42:33,410 --> 01:42:31,560
meditative

2325
01:42:36,410 --> 01:42:33,420
um there's something about those beads

2326
01:42:39,050 --> 01:42:36,420
and going through the rosary prayers you

2327
01:42:42,890 --> 01:42:39,060
know the Hail Marys the our fathers and

2328
01:42:46,250 --> 01:42:42,900
moving those beads as you recite and I

2329
01:42:49,129 --> 01:42:46,260
learn to pray the rosary from nuns

2330
01:42:52,850 --> 01:42:49,139
who've taught you to visualize as you're

2331
01:42:56,030 --> 01:42:52,860
saying the prayer you visualize what the

2332
01:42:58,689 --> 01:42:56,040
prayer is about and all of those things

2333
01:43:01,250 --> 01:42:58,699
I find that to be

2334
01:43:04,310 --> 01:43:01,260
despite what I think of Catholicism I

2335
01:43:06,109 --> 01:43:04,320
still I like the rosary everybody I

2336
01:43:08,270 --> 01:43:06,119
guess has to find their own way to pray

2337
01:43:09,709 --> 01:43:08,280
and their own thing that they're good

2338
01:43:12,890 --> 01:43:09,719
you know

2339
01:43:15,770 --> 01:43:12,900
I like the Rosary uh some there's just

2340
01:43:18,050 --> 01:43:15,780
something about it that uh feels good to

2341
01:43:23,149 --> 01:43:20,750
Buddha Idols are remnants of Marduk idol

2342
01:43:24,830 --> 01:43:23,159
worship Babylonian invasion of Asia

2343
01:43:25,310 --> 01:43:24,840
could be

2344
01:43:26,990 --> 01:43:25,320
[Music]

2345
01:43:30,109 --> 01:43:27,000
um

2346
01:43:36,590 --> 01:43:32,330
unknown sender says think upon these

2347
01:43:44,410 --> 01:43:38,890
yeah you're right

2348
01:43:49,370 --> 01:43:47,270
Loco Moco says some days it's minute by

2349
01:43:51,350 --> 01:43:49,380
minute but it passes I go through a

2350
01:43:54,350 --> 01:43:51,360
grieving process without my substances

2351
01:43:55,270 --> 01:43:54,360
fat mince Vince Neil love your laugh by

2352
01:43:58,970 --> 01:43:55,280
the way

2353
01:44:00,890 --> 01:43:58,980
good thank you and yeah like you know I

2354
01:44:02,629 --> 01:44:00,900
grew up with Motley Crue that was one of

2355
01:44:06,169 --> 01:44:02,639
the first bands that I was interested in

2356
01:44:08,629 --> 01:44:06,179
and it was right before grunge hit right

2357
01:44:10,850 --> 01:44:08,639
and uh you know girls girls girls on

2358
01:44:12,590 --> 01:44:10,860
wild side and all that you know they

2359
01:44:15,890 --> 01:44:12,600
were and I wanted to be a musician just

2360
01:44:19,609 --> 01:44:15,900
like them so they Vince Neil and mcmars

2361
01:44:22,010 --> 01:44:19,619
and Tommy Lee and and uh Nikki Sixx they

2362
01:44:25,070 --> 01:44:22,020
were sort of Heroes to me growing up

2363
01:44:27,470 --> 01:44:25,080
and uh it's tough to see them now

2364
01:44:28,910 --> 01:44:27,480
because they I think that they're on the

2365
01:44:30,229 --> 01:44:28,920
take they shouldn't be taking money

2366
01:44:33,770 --> 01:44:30,239
they're using

2367
01:44:36,950 --> 01:44:33,780
playback of of some of the tracks and

2368
01:44:39,530 --> 01:44:36,960
backing tracks and that's not a real

2369
01:44:41,149 --> 01:44:39,540
metal or rock band

2370
01:44:42,590 --> 01:44:41,159
they should be playing their instruments

2371
01:44:45,109 --> 01:44:42,600
and if they're not good enough to they

2372
01:44:47,990 --> 01:44:45,119
shouldn't take the ticket money and if

2373
01:44:53,450 --> 01:44:48,000
uh Vince Neil has become fat Vince Neil

2374
01:44:57,350 --> 01:44:55,669
there is some terrible videos of him

2375
01:44:59,930 --> 01:44:57,360
where he sounds like he's just mumbling

2376
01:45:02,030 --> 01:44:59,940
the words he shouldn't take that kind of

2377
01:45:03,590 --> 01:45:02,040
ticket money you know it's expensive to

2378
01:45:06,770 --> 01:45:03,600
go to a concert what is a good concert

2379
01:45:08,810 --> 01:45:06,780
cost now for one ticket 50 bucks 75

2380
01:45:12,109 --> 01:45:08,820
bucks I don't know I haven't been to one

2381
01:45:14,030 --> 01:45:12,119
in ages since having children but I'm

2382
01:45:15,530 --> 01:45:14,040
just one to think you shouldn't take the

2383
01:45:17,090 --> 01:45:15,540
money unless you're gonna put on a

2384
01:45:18,950 --> 01:45:17,100
really good performance and care enough

2385
01:45:23,330 --> 01:45:18,960
to do that and I don't think that they

2386
01:45:25,189 --> 01:45:23,340
are lately it's it's sad to see

2387
01:45:27,770 --> 01:45:25,199
you should take advantage of your new

2388
01:45:29,689 --> 01:45:27,780
games where you lose fat and put on 10

2389
01:45:32,169 --> 01:45:29,699
to 12 pounds of muscle in one year by

2390
01:45:36,350 --> 01:45:32,179
doing the big four compound movements

2391
01:45:39,109 --> 01:45:36,360
deadlift squat bench press barbell curl

2392
01:45:40,850 --> 01:45:39,119
I'm looking into weights dirty pox but I

2393
01:45:42,169 --> 01:45:40,860
tried lifting weights a few times in my

2394
01:45:45,709 --> 01:45:42,179
life and it never worked for me I've

2395
01:45:48,350 --> 01:45:45,719
always been like stick thin you know

2396
01:45:50,209 --> 01:45:48,360
um but I'm willing to give it a try I

2397
01:45:52,490 --> 01:45:50,219
also thought that if I got bigger

2398
01:45:55,970 --> 01:45:52,500
shoulders and arms my gut might look

2399
01:46:00,109 --> 01:45:55,980
smaller so hey there's that

2400
01:46:05,450 --> 01:46:00,119
any strategy uh any strategy that I can

2401
01:46:08,390 --> 01:46:05,460
use to uh minimize the spare tire uh and

2402
01:46:11,149 --> 01:46:08,400
let me let me get that down here so

2403
01:46:11,930 --> 01:46:11,159
anybody who did want to email me uh who

2404
01:46:12,530 --> 01:46:11,940
is

2405
01:46:15,350 --> 01:46:12,540
um

2406
01:46:18,410 --> 01:46:15,360
looking for uh you know

2407
01:46:20,870 --> 01:46:18,420
advice or want to offer advice for

2408
01:46:23,689 --> 01:46:20,880
tonight's show subject feel free to

2409
01:46:25,729 --> 01:46:23,699
email me and I'll try to get back to

2410
01:46:27,709 --> 01:46:25,739
each and every one of you

2411
01:46:30,950 --> 01:46:27,719
I also want to remind everybody that

2412
01:46:33,890 --> 01:46:30,960
Alcohol Anonymous is in every city

2413
01:46:36,890 --> 01:46:33,900
everywhere you are uh so you can Google

2414
01:46:39,290 --> 01:46:36,900
Alcohol Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous

2415
01:46:41,090 --> 01:46:39,300
meetings near me that's how I found the

2416
01:46:43,550 --> 01:46:41,100
group that I go to which is a few

2417
01:46:46,570 --> 01:46:43,560
minutes from my house I could walk there

2418
01:46:49,370 --> 01:46:46,580
I should start doing that

2419
01:46:51,590 --> 01:46:49,380
and and also if you do live someplace

2420
01:46:55,850 --> 01:46:51,600
remote like even if you live in Alaska

2421
01:46:58,609 --> 01:46:55,860
or Antarctica you can attend virtual uh

2422
01:47:01,149 --> 01:46:58,619
Zoom Alcoholics Anonymous meetings I'm

2423
01:47:04,310 --> 01:47:01,159
just now learning this because uh

2424
01:47:06,470 --> 01:47:04,320
my where my cabin is the nearest

2425
01:47:08,209 --> 01:47:06,480
Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is an hour

2426
01:47:10,490 --> 01:47:08,219
away so if I feel like I really really

2427
01:47:14,030 --> 01:47:10,500
need a meeting while I'm there at the

2428
01:47:17,870 --> 01:47:14,040
cabin I can find a virtual AAA meeting

2429
01:47:21,229 --> 01:47:17,880
to attend and uh I would recommend it

2430
01:47:24,649 --> 01:47:23,270
so any more questions or comments for me

2431
01:47:26,209 --> 01:47:24,659
please put them in all capital letters

2432
01:47:29,030 --> 01:47:26,219
otherwise we're going to be wrapping

2433
01:47:31,550 --> 01:47:29,040
things up here and uh

2434
01:47:34,370 --> 01:47:31,560
tomorrow we'll be returning to our

2435
01:47:36,649 --> 01:47:34,380
normally scheduled programming I believe

2436
01:47:38,050 --> 01:47:36,659
tomorrow we're finally doing the aerial

2437
01:47:41,090 --> 01:47:38,060
phenomenon

2438
01:47:43,310 --> 01:47:41,100
documentary review we are going to have

2439
01:47:46,129 --> 01:47:43,320
spooky and I believe Brianna from that

2440
01:47:48,350 --> 01:47:46,139
one time I've got abducted by aliens is

2441
01:47:50,510 --> 01:47:48,360
going to be visiting us as well so if

2442
01:47:53,390 --> 01:47:50,520
you like those Crystal hippie [\h__\h]

2443
01:47:55,790 --> 01:47:53,400
tomorrow night 9 p.m I encourage you to

2444
01:47:57,590 --> 01:47:55,800
be here I also want to remind everybody

2445
01:47:59,930 --> 01:47:57,600
if you're listening in audio podcast

2446
01:48:02,510 --> 01:47:59,940
land we love and appreciate you but

2447
01:48:04,729 --> 01:48:02,520
you're missing half the fun so go on

2448
01:48:07,669 --> 01:48:04,739
over to YouTube Patrice Seekers one word

2449
01:48:09,709 --> 01:48:07,679
in the search bar look for me the

2450
01:48:11,750 --> 01:48:09,719
strange guy with sunglasses go to that

2451
01:48:14,149 --> 01:48:11,760
Channel smash the Subscribe button hit

2452
01:48:16,129 --> 01:48:14,159
that notification Bell and you too will

2453
01:48:18,350 --> 01:48:16,139
know when we're doing a live taping for

2454
01:48:20,870 --> 01:48:18,360
the podcast and can come here

2455
01:48:23,270 --> 01:48:20,880
uh we encourage you to not just listen

2456
01:48:26,090 --> 01:48:23,280
to the show not just watch the show come

2457
01:48:28,790 --> 01:48:26,100
to our live chats and be a part of the

2458
01:48:32,030 --> 01:48:28,800
show you can hear we take comments and

2459
01:48:34,790 --> 01:48:32,040
questions from the live audience every

2460
01:48:37,189 --> 01:48:34,800
single show we love that interactivity

2461
01:48:38,030 --> 01:48:37,199
and welcome you to become a part of the

2462
01:48:40,430 --> 01:48:38,040
show

2463
01:48:42,470 --> 01:48:40,440
uh you are most welcome

2464
01:48:44,149 --> 01:48:42,480
so any more comments or questions from

2465
01:48:46,910 --> 01:48:44,159
me please promote capital letters

2466
01:48:50,390 --> 01:48:46,920
otherwise we are going to be bouncing

2467
01:48:53,750 --> 01:48:50,400
out of here Sweet Caroline says the goat

2468
01:48:55,310 --> 01:48:53,760
the greatest of all time Brianna

2469
01:48:57,530 --> 01:48:55,320
I don't know

2470
01:48:59,149 --> 01:48:57,540
Crystal hippie [\h__\h] for sure but I'm

2471
01:49:01,669 --> 01:48:59,159
anxious to see what a crystal hippie

2472
01:49:03,830 --> 01:49:01,679
[\h__\h] thinks about movie I know what I

2473
01:49:06,290 --> 01:49:03,840
think of it I've got nodes Spooky's got

2474
01:49:11,030 --> 01:49:06,300
notes we're going to talk about that

2475
01:49:11,040 --> 01:49:17,050
uh one second

2476
01:49:21,350 --> 01:49:19,609
Hank mcgurkus have you ever felt like

2477
01:49:24,530 --> 01:49:21,360
lying in the bathtub with your socks on

2478
01:49:27,229 --> 01:49:24,540
no wet socks is gross uh anytime I get

2479
01:49:29,810 --> 01:49:27,239
wet socks I change my socks at the cabin

2480
01:49:31,850 --> 01:49:29,820
especially I have extra pairs of socks

2481
01:49:33,530 --> 01:49:31,860
always available because sometimes

2482
01:49:35,629 --> 01:49:33,540
you'll be hiking and you do something

2483
01:49:38,030 --> 01:49:35,639
stupid like step in a puddle you didn't

2484
01:49:40,609 --> 01:49:38,040
see or a creek you didn't see or

2485
01:49:43,850 --> 01:49:40,619
whatever I always have extra socks not a

2486
01:49:46,550 --> 01:49:43,860
fan of wet socks gross

2487
01:49:48,770 --> 01:49:46,560
30 pucks says I was a rake man and one

2488
01:49:51,470 --> 01:49:48,780
year I had a different body eat what you

2489
01:49:54,169 --> 01:49:51,480
want once you stay just under calorie

2490
01:49:56,090 --> 01:49:54,179
Surplus buy a used cheap barbell and you

2491
01:49:58,430 --> 01:49:56,100
only need 200 pounds of weight plates

2492
01:50:02,050 --> 01:49:58,440
yeah I'm looking into that pragmagic is

2493
01:50:07,250 --> 01:50:05,149
pragmatic shares alcohol is a crutch for

2494
01:50:10,910 --> 01:50:07,260
the hundred hungry ghosts or the preda

2495
01:50:14,270 --> 01:50:10,920
in the Bardo photo tiny neck big bellied

2496
01:50:16,310 --> 01:50:14,280
never satiated yeah I

2497
01:50:18,530 --> 01:50:16,320
some days I would wake up the next day

2498
01:50:20,810 --> 01:50:18,540
pragmagic and then I would count the

2499
01:50:23,390 --> 01:50:20,820
empty beers and I would go Jesus I drank

2500
01:50:25,970 --> 01:50:23,400
18 beers or whatever I drank

2501
01:50:27,890 --> 01:50:25,980
and I I didn't know that I had the

2502
01:50:29,870 --> 01:50:27,900
ability to drink that many right you

2503
01:50:32,209 --> 01:50:29,880
never it was never enough I could just

2504
01:50:33,470 --> 01:50:32,219
keep going until I passed down and

2505
01:50:38,689 --> 01:50:33,480
that's why you know you have a problem

2506
01:50:40,070 --> 01:50:38,699
right if you can't stop at a few and I

2507
01:50:43,850 --> 01:50:40,080
really would love to be one of those

2508
01:50:46,129 --> 01:50:43,860
people that just drinks a few really uh

2509
01:50:47,209 --> 01:50:46,139
special sort of craft beers and stops

2510
01:50:49,250 --> 01:50:47,219
for the night

2511
01:50:51,890 --> 01:50:49,260
but I don't know that I have that in me

2512
01:50:54,530 --> 01:50:51,900
yet that is uh

2513
01:50:56,930 --> 01:50:54,540
yet to be determined right and if you're

2514
01:50:59,090 --> 01:50:56,940
just joining us prank magic I've hit 99

2515
01:51:01,310 --> 01:50:59,100
days sober and now I'm doing that

2516
01:51:03,350 --> 01:51:01,320
program called 75 hard you can look it

2517
01:51:05,510 --> 01:51:03,360
up it's an exercise health and fitness

2518
01:51:07,430 --> 01:51:05,520
program but you can't drink alcohol on

2519
01:51:10,430 --> 01:51:07,440
it so I'm going to get another 75 days

2520
01:51:12,530 --> 01:51:10,440
sober and you've got to exercise twice a

2521
01:51:15,470 --> 01:51:12,540
day for 45 minutes drink a gallon of

2522
01:51:17,930 --> 01:51:15,480
water take Daily Progress photos and and

2523
01:51:20,629 --> 01:51:17,940
read 10 minutes I think of non-fiction

2524
01:51:24,290 --> 01:51:20,639
daily so I'm starting that this week so

2525
01:51:27,290 --> 01:51:24,300
I'm I'm gonna get to 175 days I think I

2526
01:51:29,629 --> 01:51:27,300
hope I'm hopeful you know

2527
01:51:29,639 --> 01:51:33,590
hahaha

2528
01:51:39,470 --> 01:51:36,830
Road sub says reincarnation is a fact

2529
01:51:41,330 --> 01:51:39,480
Maybe

2530
01:51:43,250 --> 01:51:41,340
Sweet Caroline says I like that Crystal

2531
01:51:47,270 --> 01:51:43,260
hippie [\h__\h] too yeah those Crystal

2532
01:51:52,189 --> 01:51:50,629
yeah uh Loco Moco mentioned seen Alice

2533
01:51:55,370 --> 01:51:52,199
Cooper last night he is still kicking

2534
01:51:57,530 --> 01:51:55,380
acid 74. I love his guitar player

2535
01:52:00,590 --> 01:51:57,540
did he have the hot chick guitar player

2536
01:52:02,030 --> 01:52:00,600
Loco Moco I forget her name she is

2537
01:52:04,669 --> 01:52:02,040
incredible

2538
01:52:06,590 --> 01:52:04,679
in more ways than one right and it's not

2539
01:52:10,010 --> 01:52:06,600
just because she's hot I'm a musician

2540
01:52:11,330 --> 01:52:10,020
she's incredible guitar player uh and

2541
01:52:13,010 --> 01:52:11,340
she's been playing with him for some

2542
01:52:14,930 --> 01:52:13,020
time I think she's on tour with him

2543
01:52:16,910 --> 01:52:14,940
right now she's uh one of my Facebook

2544
01:52:19,550 --> 01:52:16,920
friends uh talked to her a few times

2545
01:52:22,010 --> 01:52:19,560
addicts are an easy target for the Prada

2546
01:52:24,350 --> 01:52:22,020
the longing and hunger we have for

2547
01:52:26,330 --> 01:52:24,360
dionism feeds others

2548
01:52:30,050 --> 01:52:26,340
well there's pragmagic getting really

2549
01:52:34,910 --> 01:52:30,060
into the that's into the weeds for me

2550
01:52:36,470 --> 01:52:34,920
um you I I don't know uh but I did if

2551
01:52:38,930 --> 01:52:36,480
you're joining this late preg magic go

2552
01:52:41,750 --> 01:52:38,940
through all of the benefits of quitting

2553
01:52:44,510 --> 01:52:41,760
alcohol for 99 days and the few of the

2554
01:52:45,590 --> 01:52:44,520
negatives I did experience some things

2555
01:52:47,750 --> 01:52:45,600
that I thought

2556
01:52:51,229 --> 01:52:47,760
we're bad about quitting drinking most

2557
01:52:54,410 --> 01:52:51,239
of that is discomfort uh I'll hopefully

2558
01:53:00,109 --> 01:52:57,830
Burns Eye Blind mine uh hello beautiful

2559
01:53:04,370 --> 01:53:00,119
souls glad you are doing well with your

2560
01:53:07,609 --> 01:53:04,380
sobriety yeah well uh

2561
01:53:10,370 --> 01:53:07,619
thank you for being here there uh I'm

2562
01:53:12,290 --> 01:53:10,380
staying away from alcohol but uh

2563
01:53:14,030 --> 01:53:12,300
I guess I could drink some of your lab

2564
01:53:16,550 --> 01:53:14,040
concoctions right

2565
01:53:19,310 --> 01:53:16,560
it makes me think of uh

2566
01:53:21,709 --> 01:53:19,320
those old movies like Dr Jekyll and Mr

2567
01:53:24,709 --> 01:53:21,719
Hyde he drinks from the lab and then you

2568
01:53:27,109 --> 01:53:24,719
know that stuff Burns eye does

2569
01:53:29,629 --> 01:53:27,119
all right so uh that's all we got for

2570
01:53:32,450 --> 01:53:29,639
you tonight friends uh and we're gonna

2571
01:53:34,010 --> 01:53:32,460
bounce on out of here I do want to thank

2572
01:53:36,649 --> 01:53:34,020
each and every one of you for joining us

2573
01:53:39,290 --> 01:53:36,659
I want to uh thank you all for indulging

2574
01:53:41,450 --> 01:53:39,300
me with going way off topic tonight but

2575
01:53:43,550 --> 01:53:41,460
I thought it important to do so

2576
01:53:46,729 --> 01:53:43,560
maybe this will be helpful to many

2577
01:53:49,609 --> 01:53:46,739
people and also help me to sort of talk

2578
01:53:51,410 --> 01:53:49,619
about this more openly and honestly

2579
01:53:55,010 --> 01:53:51,420
uh

2580
01:53:57,050 --> 01:53:55,020
I want to thank each and every one of

2581
01:53:59,090 --> 01:53:57,060
you for indulging me tomorrow we're

2582
01:54:01,490 --> 01:53:59,100
returning to our usual scheduled

2583
01:54:02,990 --> 01:54:01,500
programming I also have a few interviews

2584
01:54:05,470 --> 01:54:03,000
scheduled for this week we will be

2585
01:54:09,410 --> 01:54:05,480
returning to a more active schedule

2586
01:54:12,290 --> 01:54:09,420
going into the fall here uh imagine that

2587
01:54:14,270 --> 01:54:12,300
not being hungover for a large portion

2588
01:54:16,669 --> 01:54:14,280
if that gives me more time to prepare

2589
01:54:20,209 --> 01:54:16,679
shows for you and I certainly consider

2590
01:54:24,350 --> 01:54:20,219
working on shows that are upcoming more

2591
01:54:28,010 --> 01:54:24,360
uh healthy and good for me than drinking

2592
01:54:30,410 --> 01:54:28,020
however many beers so I've been focused

2593
01:54:32,450 --> 01:54:30,420
on doing some of that and getting more

2594
01:54:34,790 --> 01:54:32,460
things done as we talked about earlier

2595
01:54:36,709 --> 01:54:34,800
so I'm going to bounce on out of here

2596
01:54:38,810 --> 01:54:36,719
we'll be back tomorrow night 9 p.m

2597
01:54:41,390 --> 01:54:38,820
Eastern Standard Time and I encourage

2598
01:54:44,209 --> 01:54:41,400
you to join us if you're interested in

2599
01:54:45,410 --> 01:54:44,219
that movie aerial phenomenon uh you'll

2600
01:54:48,770 --> 01:54:45,420
enjoy tomorrow because we'll be having

2601
01:54:49,430 --> 01:54:48,780
sort of a panel discussion and review

2602
01:54:51,350 --> 01:54:49,440
um

2603
01:54:53,030 --> 01:54:51,360
we've been planning that for some time

2604
01:54:54,649 --> 01:54:53,040
and people have been asking me to do

2605
01:54:56,810 --> 01:54:54,659
that for some time

2606
01:55:00,290 --> 01:54:56,820
we've got all three of us on board now

2607
01:55:02,689 --> 01:55:00,300
myself spooky and Brianna from that one

2608
01:55:04,970 --> 01:55:02,699
time I was abducted by aliens we'll be

2609
01:55:08,510 --> 01:55:04,980
here tomorrow night I believe 9 p.m

2610
01:55:11,270 --> 01:55:08,520
Eastern Standard Time and we'll be uh

2611
01:55:14,390 --> 01:55:11,280
talking UFOs and aliens once again

2612
01:55:16,010 --> 01:55:14,400
so uh that's all I got I want to thank

2613
01:55:18,290 --> 01:55:16,020
each and every one of you for joining us

2614
01:55:20,570 --> 01:55:18,300
until next time friends my name is

2615
01:55:24,190 --> 01:55:20,580
Stephen cambian good night and God bless

2616
01:55:50,230 --> 01:55:48,609
[Music]

2617
01:57:02,290 --> 01:55:50,240
thank you

2618
01:57:03,520 --> 01:57:02,300
[Music]

2619
01:58:08,290 --> 01:57:03,530
thank you

2620
01:58:08,300 --> 01:58:26,750
[Music]

2621
01:58:26,760 --> 01:58:30,310
foreign

2622
01:59:38,380 --> 01:58:59,180
[Music]